UPDATE: i've been listening, reading and listening some more to all the great folks here. Also talking to a DB coach! Wife told a mutual Close friend (who Really cares for us both) that she Has strong feelings for this person in south america.BTW , she has NO intention of moving there AND he has NO Visa or means to come here. My limited knowledge is just that he's a 30 year old single guy with very limited means. ANYHOW, our mutual friend said wife also told her she loves me very much but wants to move out. She said she Knows she's hurting me and doesn't want to continue hurting me. The coach has suggested I really DO a 180 and SHOW my anger and disgust, slam the door, leave the house for a while ...etc. The DB Coach also thinks (knowing my sitch and personality) that if and when my wife brings up her moving out , I say "ok, there's the door" sort of thing and act as if i don't really care. THIS all seems doable but Very Hard!!
