What's funny is I could copy and paste that ENTIRE post of yours. Could not be ANYMORE dead on for me as well. Everything! Found myself shaking my head yes, yes, yes, yep, me too....etc.
I have days to were I just don't care, then I'll have an angry day, then I'll have a sad day, rollercoaster of emotions. But mostly it's to the point where I don't want to hear about it....you made this bed now lay in it.
I know, it is something my brother would have said. I swear sometimes I open my mouth and hear him come out! His dry wit and sarcasm live on...
And I have gotten to the point that no matter how much I do still love the SG, I refuse to be treated like garbage. I deserve better.
I do hate that I still love him though. I kinda wish that would start to fade into the sunset.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
It is sad. I keep thinking there is something wrong with me that I can still love this man two and a half years after he broke my heart. But then again, I chalk it up to the fact that I meant what I said when I married him, that I would always love him.
The thing I don't get is that I was really doing fine. I was happy, didn't think about him that much. And then all of a sudden he starts calling and I am right back where I was before.
I need to stop it, and just quit talking to him period. I think that is the only way, now, that I am going to be able to move on.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
I am going to start seeing a counselor on Wednesday. For the same things you have mentioned on this thread--
I still love him, cannot 'turn it off' even though I know he's cheated, lied, etc etc.
Because my h is so lazy/conflict avoidant that I had to file even though I wanted to stay M, I let a small corner of my mind believe it means he doesn't really want it to be over.
Anyway not to hijack, but I agree it is hard to stop loving someone when you pledged 'for better or worse', for the rest of your lives.
Of course I still get really pi$$ed off too, sometimes! Who knew you could cycle this much without getting on a bike??
It is sad. I keep thinking there is something wrong with me that I can still love this man two and a half years after he broke my heart. But then again, I chalk it up to the fact that I meant what I said when I married him, that I would always love him.
Again ---This is exactly how I feel. Mine texts me/calls me just before "how is your day going" I feel crazy -- there are days I want him to leave me alone/disappear but I don't want him to leave me alone. Maybe it's a longing for what once was with him. To let him go completely. It's hard because we have a son and live close to each other have a lot of the same friends, etc but I've begun separating myself from that and creating a new.
I know, its a double edged sword. I want SG to leave me alone, and yet I don't.
It's hard for me because I live across the country and there are no children, and there is no reason we should even be talking. We share nothing. I will probably never see him again. That alone breaks me in two, this man I love so much, and knowing that seeing him will cause me more pain, and that because of that I have to choose never to see him again. Nik, I am not sure which is worse...having to see your H again or me never seeing mine.
BBJ, I do the same thing...I think that maybe, just maybe he doesn't want the D because he is dragging his heels. But deep down, I think I know that it is the same thing... he is lazy and is just used to having everything done for him.
I pray to God I will get over him. It has gone on for such a long time, and I am getting damned tired of shedding tears for a man who could care less.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Honest..reading "I will probably never see him again." made my heart hurt. You're right I'm not sure which one is worse except that this just plain sucks. I can relate to the thinking of maybe he really doesn't want this because he's dragging his feet. When these thoughts enter my mind I always think Nikki don't be a fool. He has made it clear. Don't let your heart fool you.
I agree with that...this just plain sucks. For everyone involved, for everyone here hurting, for everyone who ever has had their heart shattered.
I do the same thing. I remind myself of all the times that he has repeatedly told me he does not love me, he does not want to try again, he does not want to be married to me.
My head believes him.
My heart is having a harder time.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Who knew you could cycle this much without getting on a bike??