Keep Your Hands Offa My Mojo

[Kettricken]

I think part of the process is finding a reason why. Something that makes sense. For instance, something that many others have experienced too, that has played out in the same way. I wonder if it softens the blow, in some weird way. "Oh, look, x-zillion other people around her age who lost a parent went batsh*t crazy in pretty much exactly the same way!" Then, neither were you uniquely unsupportive nor was she uniquely evil and vicious. "We'll give you a complex and we'll give it a name....." (Thank you Andrew Bird.)

I just wonder if the naming of things makes a difference, really. At the end of the day, does it matter to the battered wife that her husband was abused as a child, and therefore........? All that matters is what you decide your boundaries are, what you are willing to accept in terms of consistent behavior. I mean, there's almost always a "good reason" why people do anything. Something driving them that they probably don't even understand. Do we really have to find an acceptable label to assume good will on their part, that they're doing their best with the cards they were dealt, or that they dealt themselves? Assume that. What does it cost? Because all that really matters is their execution. The road to hell, etc. Nobody expects the battered wife to stand still for the beating because she understands her husband and has compassion. Nobody expects you to tolerate the infidelity and disrespect. Compassion and empathy don't necessitate martyrdom; you're not stuck because you "get it." But neither are you freed.

IHMO. Nattering ends.