What can I do to save my marriage? Help

[TrentC]

This totally sucks for you, nobody deserves being cheated to, lied to, and manipulated like you have been. That said, I think you need an attitude check. First it's all you, you were cold and unavailable, and now you need to practice unconditional love because you're the one who sent the marriage onto the rocks. Now, you have proof of adultery, and all of a sudden it's all her, her, her and you're the righteous angel? Neither stance seems like a reflection of how real people actually work.

Very well said.

I've seen this tendency for people to use the WAS's infidelity as absolution for their own weakness or their own failings quite a bit around here.