Tri I would advise against giving her choices, as much as I'm a fan of greek's advice, don't give her choices anymore, let her deal with the consequences of her actions for some time, now isn't the time for a soft touch. Kick her out of the house, let her deal with the reality of you moving on without her. Only when a WAS deals with fear of loss and crisis will they make the decision to move on or stay, if you offer her choices, you are still in a manner of speaking pursuing, you are showing them that you still value them and you have to drop that perceived value down to zero. They have to know you mean business otherwise she will call your bluff, she did that with the text's on your cellphone remember and she reeled you in to your proper subservient position, where she is in control, you have to turn it around so that she knows you're in charge now.
No choices.
You can give her choices if she decides to work on the marriage and you will know if she is sincere or not at that point but you're nowhere near there now.
I don't totally disagree with Rob's take on this. I do wonder though - if Doc is open to reconciliation, how does that happen after the Robx crisis move? See what I mean? What would that look like? Greek
Well Greek at that point, when reality sets in and she chooses to really commit to and work on the marriage, that will be up to Tri to figure out and if she values him and the relationship she has with him, she will do what it takes to restore that trust and restore their marriage.
No sense in laying tracks in a new direction if there is no train to travel with.
Tri has to really process and digest what has happened here, he has to realize his value again and how she took him for granted, he came from a position originally where he thought the bulk of this was his fault, he needs to take responsibility for what he's done but he has to allow her to be an adult and do the same for what she's done, if he makes it to easy on her and she doesn't have to work for this, she will attribute no value to this process and will repeat her past behaviors.
We attribute value to things that are hard to come by and very little value to things we acquire easily.
