no idea what to do......

[Gardener]

gman,

mostly my neagtivity and how i can "pout" if you will, but mostly the negativity

How attractive do you think that looks to her? (full disclosure: Admittedly, I did the same damn thing before Depression diagnosis and treatment).

these are traits i have even told my own children that i HATE about myself

HATE is pretty strong. Cut yourself some slack. Do something about it. And, questionably commendable honesty aside, is this the kind of statement a father should be making to his children? I think not. It is victim-like, poor me, and not the image of strength children rightly expect of their father.

One more question: Have you rolled over and given in to your wife throughout your M just to keep the peace? In effect, have you been neutered? It's actually a pretty common thing to happen...but based on your wife stating low desire, not being attracted, etc., I'd say she's lost respect for you.

I would say - yes , but more of me ignoring problems as if they didn't exist so i could keep the peace.

Drop what doesn't work.

I am going book hunting tonight

Good. Put No More Mr. Nice Guy on your list and take those quizzes in The UltraMind Solution. You won't even have to buy it to do that

I do need advise on how to "give her space" that she requests - any thoughts because at lunch today it just seemed if i said anything she gotr pissed and if i did nothing i was accused of pouting and she got pissed....a real win-win situation for me

Give. Her. Space. Make yourself a bit scarce. Stay out of these kinds of situations.
A thought: at lunch you could have said, "you're right. I am. I think I'll leave you be and give that some thought." And then leave. Extricate yourself. Take some control.