What can I do to save my marriage? Help

[tryingtilDorR]

You should kick her out (or at least try - I tried but legally I have no right to do it and she knew that and stood on the position that 'talking' isn't wrong but your situation is different now). If you don't, her A will only escalate right under your nose now that OM is kicked out of his house (unless he breaks it off to try to fix his M).

The only way you should back down is if she agrees to ALL of your terms of transparency, etc but you would have to be extremely vigilant about enforcing those things since she is in a fog and will have OM-relapses even if she is telling you she is quitting cold turkey.

I agree with the others - you don't need any more proof. You know the truth and so does she, so all you need is that confidence that you know and she will probably get it. If not, you can mention the detail about the shuttle/taxi and about OM being in Phoenix without his golf clubs before discussing his W.