I brought up the incident with H and he said he wasn't angry at all. We talked it out and he confirmed he really did only want to not have logistic problems, not knowing how long S5 would last as his mom's little apt. etc...we kept it short, simple, calm. Boy I'm still on pins and needles from the last eight months. Glad I stayed calm and waited before bringing it up!
This is huge progress. H would not have calmly talked with me before and I would have sat and stewed.
He's doing way better with the talking. Now if I can only get him to listen better! He's good now at discussing openly. I still feel he is discussing his viewpoint more than listening to mine - but hey nobody's perfect.
And he even validated without me bringing it up - that he was abrupt and that he knows it may seem that he's more of a stickler about the time with me, and then expects me to be flexible for me. He said he didn't mean that and he understands that if he asks for a schedule change last minute he may not get it.
He wasn't upset! I misread his tension, stress, hurriedness - as anger. Partly from my childhood - my parents were emotionally abusive and angry at me a lot - and partly from the experience of H as being so angry these past eight months. I am so glad I slowed down, observed my reactions, vented here, and then calmed down. Didn't make a big deal about it. But the fact that we are starting to talk about "issues" is huge.
and, he asked "what do you want for your birthday". That made me feel good. Maybe it's just a token, but at least he's doing the polite thing~
