I am currently reading the Five Love Languages book as well ass The Divorce Remedy. I have told her that I in no way approve and will not share her with another man. I also found that the more I leave it alone and do me the more she responds to me and a little less to him.
I unfortunately work 6 days on and 6 days off and I have to stay overnight at my work because I am a residential counselor. I have informed her though that I am going to be staying in my house on my off shifts now. At first she wanted me to stay with my clan mother and then send money up there. But I realized that if I truly love myself why am I going to be the victim, be broken, and live with someone else while she is doing what she wants and living good. She was not happy when I told her I was coming back but I told her this was about me doing something different for me and had nothing to do with me pursuing her. She has started to talk a little more since then. She also told me yesterday that she resents me because things are not going well for her. She can't find a job and all of a sudden I was able to get a job and a car with little money.
The only time we discuss EA is when she brings him up. Usually it is in the context of this is what he is doing why didn't you? I just listen and take notes so that I do know what to do when the time is right. I affirm her concerns and listen but I do not defend myself because I know it is only going to go to the arguing about how she is in love with someone else and it must be fate because she isn't like that. Or its too little too late.
She has mentioned that she is angry and a little shocked at the changes she is seeing in me. I was talking to some friends online and she REALLY did not like it...That is when she said she doesn't think she knows me like she thought and she is bouncing between the position of being my best friend and being my wife.
Messed up this morning when we spoke. She was really aggravated over something someone did on face book and I reverted and asked her if I did something. She got mad and said no and she didn't want to tell me what it was. I caught myself and said ok well I will let you go sorry if I made you feel pressured and got of the phone.
Gardner you said you saw some real, small positives. Could you please be specific so I know what I am doing right. SOme of this is unnatural and some of this has just happened because I have decided not to be a victim. I have actually put most of this into practice a few days before I found this site and bought the book.
Also I could not find the Coaches Boundaries thread.
