CH, Sorry you find yourself here, but there are many experienced and not-so-experienced folks here to offer you support, guidance, and advise. I fall in the categor of not-so-exerienced, so understand that. You will get alot of opinions over your sitch both on line and off line from other sources. Ultimately, you must determine what advise you will incorporate and what advise you will put on the shelf. This may change over time. The problems that you are experiencing will not be solved with the same level of thinking that went into creating them. So, much of what you hear will be counter-intuitive.
As I said, I am not a veteran, but here are my initial thoughts:
1. Don't move out. Placating your wife will not work. 2. Work on your self respect and self esteem. Your family has had alot of stressors in the last couple of years. I suspect, your confidence was rocked abit. As far as your wife is concerned, you are now back at the helm and working to guide your family safely through these rough waters. You can project this confidence! Nuture and grow this in yourself. 3. Don't help her pack. That is sort of placating and appeasing her. It also confuses her. It opens her up to the thought, 'See, he doesn't care about our marriage.' 4. Get individual counseling to help with No. 2. 5. If she mentions divorce, confidently state as follows, "If that is what you really want, I can't stop you. I hope you give it some serious thought because it is a lot to through away."
