Had an interesting conversation with the W this morning when she was picking up the kids. She asked me if she could come by the house sometime when the kids and I were not around so she could pick-up the rest of her belongings. I asked her why she did not want us around for that and she said she did not want it to effect the kids. I told her she had already moved out and that her grabbing the rest of her stuff and would not mean much to the kids, so I told her no, that I wanted to be around. She did not understand it nor did she like it but I stayed firm.
We then talked a little about a couple of boundary issus that I needed (more distance and house access) and somehow got into a R discussion, but it was not typical of our past conversations. It was civil and nice. How did we get into this terrible spot...we use to be so happy (her comment). I gave her a couple of my theories and she agreed. I even told her that I understand why she is doing what she is doing and that I even repsect the fact that she wants be happy (but that I would not support it). I laid it on pretty thick at times but not in a guilty or crtical manner i.e, that I could not date right now becuase we are still married and I would feel like I was betraying the kids. I know, I probably should not have said this...but she seemed to understand it. We ended the discussion on a friendly note (she said she was talking to her sister and telling her what a wonderful father I am) and then I shook her hand, which through her off a little, and said thanks for the discussion.
I know this does not change anything (as far as I can tell she is in love with OM) but it was at least nice to get both perspectives on things in a calm and civil manner. I felt more like two adults talking versus H and W. She also mentioned she is going to start IC to help her get over a couple of things that happend in the past. I supported this. This is a change for her and I hope she follows through with it for her own sake.
