Mixed Signals or is this Limbo Land

[MHL]

Not a great morning but not too bad either, I am off of work for MLK day, so a bad day at home is better than a good day at work??? Gotta get some thoughts out of my head so I can get on with the day.

D13 computer runs Vista and Microsoft neighbor is going to wipe it and install Win7, so I need to pull any pics and music off her computer so it won't be lost. Of course I pull the pics and they go back a couple of years. Since the pictures were from my D13's camera, she was the one taking the pics, so there were several pics of my wife and I together particularly on a cruise in April of 2008, one of our best vacations ever. Pictures do say a thousand words and those words are "We are happy, we are in love" over and over again. Anyone could see it, there is no doubt.

When the nightmare started and I was looking through old pictures and it was hard to find pictures of my W and I together, but my D13 has plenty. We were Fat and Happy and did not care. My W started losing weight at this time and it took her about 18 months to get where she is today. She lost a total of 47 lbs. and looks better than when we got married. When the nightmare started in July I weighed 233 lbs. and I am 6' 3" but I wore the weight okay you could tell I needed to lose 10-20 lbs. I lost 70 lbs. in 4 months and now I can't seem to put it back on but am trying. Point is that we were "Fat and Happy" I always have been attracted to my wife no matter her weight and when I look at the pictures of us together, I would go right back to that weight for us to be happy again. This is the stuff that will train wreck a day.

Got the computer done, now its on to collecting paper work for my lawyer, ugghhh. Another one-two punch to the gut. After that I got to pay the bills and plan dinner for the week. Trying to get my W off my mind and right when I am getting focused, you guessed it....she calls and I answer...my heart skipped a beat b/c she never calls in the middle of the day. I wanted so bad to carry on a conversation with her but did not, just said hello, how's it going? in as cheerful of a voice as I could muster. She was equally cheerful, said she was taking lunch and wanted to call and check on S9, he happened to be at home. (normally at friends house) So I quickly said let me go get him and handed the phone to him w/o saying anything else to her. S9 and W finished their conversation and hung up, no mention of kid exchange details or anything, I guess this follows the script, she is not thinking beyond the next five minutes. Again I will write it down but really nothing to note between her and I otherthan we spoke.

On a positive note, right after that I got invited to a friend's bday party at local restaurant on Saturday night. This place is the place to be seen and I will be with a large group. I am looking forward to this and should boost the ego. I am hoping to meet some new people and start to really GAL that involves people.