My wife and I have been married for two years now and she has told me she wants a divorce and has found someone on the internet three states away that she plans on meeting because she says he loves her the way she wants to be loved...At first I was so hurt and angry. I begged, I cried, nothing worked. She just said she felt bad about hurting me but we got married out of guilt and she was not in love with me anymore even though she loves me. We separated for a few days and I just felt that the separation was the wrong answer. Prior to the separation I had begun some serious work in me. After only a few days she told me the more she sees the man in me come out she knows is there the more she misses me but she says she has to consider her feelings and the ea feelings too. I am supposed to go back home Friday because she can't find a job and I can't support two house holds. She is still in contact with ea but says she told him she has to work on her. She also said that she did not think she was the kind of person to develop feelings for someone else so it must be fate because it happened and that it is not an affair because she did not allow herself to have emotions for him until after she said she wanted to split up. She said even though she loves me there is no passion anymore. Looking back I see where this is the result of a huge communication breakdown...She really did fight for us and I did not see it because of my own issues of being depressed because I had not been able to find a job for 7 months. I can't believe how much of a fool I have been. I did not see where she was at. At the same time I realize neither one of us was meeting the others needs. I was not able to effectively communicate my needs as well and withdrew in pain.I see all the mistakes I have made and I know this is a hard situation to work through. Here is what I have started doing. I have stopped speaking about ea. I have stopped talking about saving our marriage. I have started doing some things for myself that she has been asking me to do such as work out and take a little better care of myself and I have found out I enjoy this and this part is now for me.I have made an effort to be more present in our conversations( yes we still talk. she calls as well as I). I have stopped talking about why this happened or what she did. To be honest with you I do not want to rehash the past I just want to change and find solutions. I have expressed genuine interest and support when she calls me and tells me she is interested in something. I have started to study what makes her tick. This is what the ea did with her when he realized we were having problems...sneaky snake...I am starting to live as if and I am not doing temperature checks. I am reading Divorce Remedy and the Five Love Languages( Love languages is a book she loves but I hacve not told her I am reading it.I know there is some hope because she told me even though she is not in love with me she is stuck between being my wife and being my best friend. She told me that she would watch me over the next little while before she makes a decision but that she is scared of going backwards because she promised herself she was done and does not want to go through this again and that it is most likely too little too late...she said I should know she loves me because she is willing to see if anything changes and that if feelings for me come back she will not repress them. She calls. She says I love you. She is still coming to me for support on things that she will go to no one else on. Also I am supposed to move back in Friday...the more we are around each other the more she begins to open up little by little. She also said on her own she has noticed some big changes in me and that it shocks her and she is a little angry( do not know what to do with this). She is still telling me how to love her the way she needs to be though it is VERY inadvertently; there was a conversation where she told me of something her ea said and she said all she could think was why couldn't I have done that. At the same time she has said that she does not want to receive from me or teach me how to love her. I am putting the effort in to learn her again and to see things from her point. I am hoping to get the phone coaching but right now just having started a new job I do not have the money. I know there is some hope here and I know I have taken some good steps but I really need everyone. Please if there is any advice you can give to help until I can get a coach I need it. I do not want to screw this up. She is a good woman and I love her. I really want to save this. I need specifics as well, Thanks.
