I have been doing quite a bit of soul searching. I will update my sitch soon. The short story is my wife and I our piecing. But it is hard, so hard to simply, trust. This is my struggle.
I agree completely, the A must end. You must draw a line. Essentially, the chem test will r/o a sexual A. Still, there could be an EA. Either way, you've got to let her know the fantasy must end or there will be real world consquences. (Obviosly, this is not the text book formulation.)
If you decide to stay married, the threat of exposure may be particullarly effective with your wife. As I recall, she had some feelings of moving away to avoid the consequences of everyone in the community learning of her trasgressions. You may want to consider that as a consequence of her breaching the boundry you assert. Just a thought.
I know how you feel and where you are at right now. It sucks! You want to punish, forgive, leave and stay. Its confusing and hurts terribly. As best you can, do something to take your mind off of it, even if only for a few minutes. I also understand this is virtually impossible. Also, as best you can, remember, you are the one on terra firma, she is the one thrashing about in the water.
