City Girl, Thanks so much....believe it or not, I value all the feedback everyone here has been giving me.
Somehow I feel stronger today. I have been spending more time thinking about what my needs are and what I will and won't accept. It's funny but my husband's words in my birthday card about me deserving more than he is giving me have pushed me to start thinking about myself!!
I have decided to stop being afraid..it's not helping to stand "trembling in my boots." And quite frankly I have faced tough situations before..I CAN do this. I have lots and lots of friends and a strong family standing by my side...AND I have all of you!!
M-44 H-44 D9 S1 M-17 T-20 Bomb-8/09 EA/PA/MLC H moved out 2/4/10
It's not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are.-Roy Disney
You share a family business with your H? That must make detaching from him even harder. wow.
Yes, we share a family business. My parents started it 25 years ago and we work here along with my brother, SIL, and mom. (My dad passed 8 years ago this month) Having a family business complicates matters greatly because I have to think clearly about what is best for not just myself but our business along with financially for my kids.
M-44 H-44 D9 S1 M-17 T-20 Bomb-8/09 EA/PA/MLC H moved out 2/4/10
It's not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are.-Roy Disney
I had an interesting weekend. I worked all weekend so he spent time with the kids. He went out on Sunday and looked at an apartment after he and I discussed it. (He left the kids with a friend of ours for about an hour.) I'm ready for him to move out. REALLY REALLY ready. I went out on Sunday night and bought some stuff that I have wanted for a long time for (soon to be) MY house. It felt strange not discussing it with him.
I saw a bunch of friends this weekend who told me how great I look-I've lost almost 45 pounds. THAT made me feel great...it made me feel noticed if that makes sense.
I feel stronger today. We are going to MC tonight so we can talk about "the talk." I'm ready to do it... I'm ready to get it over with...I'm tired of dreading it!! My daughter is one tough cookie. She will survive this. I will be standing by her side every day. We CAN do this.
We are also going to have "the talk" with my mom. She adores my H and I KNOW she will be very shocked/sad/mad. She is also strong so she will be ok too. I have decided. This will be a tough talk because we all share a family business. I think if my family sees that this is what I want that they will be able to work thru it.
I believe this is the only right thing for me now.
M-44 H-44 D9 S1 M-17 T-20 Bomb-8/09 EA/PA/MLC H moved out 2/4/10
It's not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are.-Roy Disney
I'm so tired of this ride!! I want off this rollercoaster!!
I know it's normal but this morning driving into work I was overwhelmed with this feeling of sadness. I know he needs to move out because it's what needs to happen for my sanity... however part of me just wishes that we had never HAD to go down this road of MLC.
I had lunch with my best friend yesterday and she commented how great I look and seem. She was amazed at how calm and in control I am. The truth is "what is the alternative?" Screaming, yelling and stomping won't change the facts of my life and what I have to do for me.
On another note, this "journey" has forced me to look at how my H has treated me over the last couple of years. It seems like soon after we had our daughter-8 years ago- things started to slip between us. Partially I believe because it was SO hard to conceive her-we were infertility patients for 4 years before she was born. Infertility takes such a toll on a couple. Partially because we didn't "tend the garden of our marriage." I put all I had into being a great mom and I think I took for granted that my husband would always know how much I adored him. Six years after our daughter we went thru IVF to have our son. I guess I always thought it was SO important to have two children especially because my H is adopted and I felt it was SO important that he have a couple of souls who were his "blood" to share his life with in addition to me.
Now I feel so sad because I have welcomed kids into this world only to be put into a family soon to be torn apart by divorce.
Thoughts, my friends??
M-44 H-44 D9 S1 M-17 T-20 Bomb-8/09 EA/PA/MLC H moved out 2/4/10
It's not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are.-Roy Disney
You do have an alternative to being calm and in control, and give yourself a big hug for choosing the better direction.
Your post today had a lot of stuff in it, and it sounds like you have reached a place where you can really do some reflecting on what's led you here including your own failures. Keep growing!
My kids are nearly grown, and I'm so saddened to be subjecting them to divorce. I can imagine with your young ones it must feel especially terrible too. One thing for sure, you can show them what it is like to have a wonderful, loving mother.
By the way, I'm so glad that you have started posting so often, and that you've found a voice here. I appreciate your support in my thread too! ((((JG)))
M:42|W:40|D:17|S:13|Bomb:10/23/09 Awoken's Current Thread
Now I feel so sad because I have welcomed kids into this world only to be put into a family soon to be torn apart by divorce.
This is the hardest part for me. The part that I can't even imagine ever being OK with. With all my determination to give my children what they need, I also didn't do enough to "tend the marriage garden". At the time I felt that I couldn't do more, but if I had seen this scenario in the future, I would have found a way to mobilize more energy into my M, even at the expense of the children (knowing that a strong M is the foundation of a family). Now I feel that I've failed my children in a way that I can never make up for no matter how great a mom I am.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
