Don't know where to post this.

[sandi2]

I agree with Gucci's last post, but do you really understand why she went running into OM's arms? More than one OM's arms?

Look, I have read threads from LBH's and what it does to their manhood when their W leaves them for OM. But your W had had the same thing done to her (from the female POV) and she never had therapy for what happened in her young life....and then her jerk of a H put the icing on the cake by telling her how unattractive she was. You don't do that to a young woman who struggles to have any self-esteem and wants to feel loved and accepted for who she is.

After that incident, she goes and does the unthinkable to you. In this woman's POV, I think she was looking for somebody to show her she was attractive & sexy & desirable & loveable. No, it was not a positive form of attention.....not a healthy type, but remember, she was never C about what took place when she was younger. Maybe she thinks that is the only way she can recieve affirmation of any kind is through sex. You helped that type of unhealthy thinking in the way you treated her by having sex with her immediately after discovering about her ONS. Yes, she went running back to you and you were so self-centered and insecure as a man that "she" had to affirm that you were "the man baby"! You had to know that you were bigger, better, and of course, more handsome than OM. So, you felt better! But, what about her?

God, don't you get it? It's not about you! It doesn't make any difference how much better looking you are than the OM!
Your actions have made me sick to my stomach and I think you need to get into C to learn how to grow up and become a man. This woman you are M to needs special care now b/c she is more screwed up than she's ever been in her life. It will take a very special, matured minded man to be able to help her and to get this R on health ground again.

You will have to learn how to stay balanced with the advice that Gucci and the others have given you. She doesn't need to cake eat. She doesn't need to be enabled in any A's. She does need boundaries. She doesn't need the weak sister of a male for a H. She must respect you as a man and as her H. But you've go to have what it takes and I'm wondering if you've applied anything that has been given to you.

My advice is to leave her alone and work on yourself and become the man you need to be. She needs C in order to heal and be prepared to be a W again. Both of you need to work separately on yourselves before entering back into a MR. Right now, I think you would just tear her up again, and she would react the same way she did before.....by running out and jumping into bed with the first man she found that would show her he thought she was attractive.