#68 Santa baby...been an awful good girl!!

[MichelleLT]

((((((((Maria))))))))

I have been sleeping more than normal too. I find the long winter nights do that to me. It's easy to be depressed this time of year with the short days and lots of gray rain.

[Kalni]

Hi guys,
it has been a very emotional and difficult time for me. Thank God yesterday I felt better and more optimistic but I also accepted that this isnt working the way we are doing it and that I/we need some serious help if I am going to make it.

Most of it is in my head. Triggers and flashes of the past -the way I imagine it- are bothering me almost every single moment of the day.
I think H realised it but I also think that I scared the h$ll out of him with the result of him walking on eggshels more than before.

I went ahead and booked an apt with an counselor today. By myself the first time, to see if I feel she can help us and see how she works etc etc. It's at 5 in the afternoon. I hope she is good.
K

[AliSuddenly]

Hey M..
I’m glad you got an appointment and I am glad I got to talk to you.. you are tormented by how you IMAGINE their R.. and of course you are.

But, some of what you imagine is perhaps true, or some truth in it from what you read/saw…BUT, as I said, you may be embellishing what you read with the only frame of reference you have for your H.. your own experience of being in an R with him and how he is with you, or how he was in the past. Like how tender he was when your kids were born. But you have no way of really knowing how he was with her in any given situation so your active piscean imagination is filling in the blanks, of course. He may not have been tender with her at the hospital, he may have been tense, stressed and withdrawn for example.

So, as my sister kept saying to me, you don’t know so its best to try not assume. The only person who knows is H and he now says that he can’t remember! He may be avoiding, or protecting you by saying that but it could be true..because I cant remember hardly anything about stuff me and bf did 3+ years ago and especially for things I have purposefully tried to forget about if it was something I regretted (like H’s R with her).

Hugs !
xx
PS: Did you read Priya? I thought of you when I did today...

[john210]

I am also glad you got an appointment Maria. If I can make a small suggestion....you need to work things out with a professional....never mind your H for now. I don't have experience with councellors, piecing or a woman's mind......BUT, until you get some "things" compartmentalized, and get another outlet for your "obsession", your feelings will fluctuate. You are feeling low right now and again it ia apparently all part of the process.....the ups and downs.
You not only experienced the bomb like all of us here, you experienced something even more traumatic. You saw the aftermath (e-mails etc). What you are going through is normal.

<<Ultimately, the key to healing from infidelity involves forgiveness, which is frequently the last step in the healing process. The unfaithful spouse can do everything right- be forthcoming, express remorse, listen lovingly and act trustworthy, and still, the marriage won't mend unless the betrayed person forgives his or her spouse and the unfaithful spouse forgives him or herself. Forgiveness opens the door to real intimacy and connection.

But forgiveness doesn't just happen. It is a conscious decision to stop blaming, make peace, and start tomorrow with a clean slate. If the past has had you in its clutches, why not take the next step to having more love in your life? Decide to forgive today.>>
This is from one of Michelle's articles and this is what you and your C should be concentrating on....in my opinion...beginning to wipe that slate clean.
Take care of YOURSELF Maria, the rest is sure to follow.

[AliSuddenly]

Jon’s right, its about forgiveness? When you forgive someone.. you end up letting it go. I guess that’s where the phrase “forgive and forget” comes from?

Forgiveness is for you right, they say on DB.. in this case, if you COULD forgive, then you get keep your H…but hey if you can’t its not surprising, a three year affair is a lot to get past of couse. I guess it depends how much you l*ve him and really want him as your life partner…? And if the C can help.

I know its been different for me, but it still devastated me when he walked out and to then later to find out he was dating that woman, after leading me up the garden path for that 6 months previously.. well, I lost count of the times I was on my knees, sobbing my heart out. And the night he asked me to dinner and we reconciled.. I just decided there and then to forgive him. It was either that, or..walk away. And I didn’t want to give up and start over. Forgiveness was a very conscious decision I made. Luckily for him, my motto is “never give up !”.