So - what a weekend. We were intimate multiple times this weekend, I stayed over Friday and Saturday nights. This is big.
She said a couple of times, this isn't going to be a regular thing, but it kept happening over the weekend.
We had a coversation today - she mentioned going to Disneyland again. I said there's a long road between here and there... we're talking about family therapy, now my job to set it up.
I didn't want to push it, I didn't want to say everything - so after some discussion, I said, let's leave it there, and she agreed it was a good idea.
She's felt a lot of anxiety at times over the weekend too, and I admit I've had my moments. She's afraid that I'm going to be angry later - and it's true, when we have good moments, I've had the reaction to turn away - because I HAD decided I was done, that I know I can't trust her, so I've had moments where I've gone back and forth with my demeanor.
Anyway. Now I'm daring to hope again. And it's scary to do that. It was hard to leave tonight, and she was a little more distant - though she went from saying "can you leave after the boys go to bed, I need some time to myself" to asking me to stay and watch TV with her.
Anyway, it seems that the moments that I send her the terse emails, put up the walls, are the moments that spook her.
I still question if I can ever really trust her again. But I guess I'm officially DBing again now. She's not giving indication that she's changing her mind - just saying that she's got a lot of things that she's thinking about. At one moment, she summed it up saying, we had a big fight, and then we had a bunch of sex to release. I'm not sure she believes that, but she might be able to explain it away that way.
