Not much to report in BunnyLand. Thanks to everyone for checking in.
No surprises with H this week. My atty suggested letting his atty prepare the first draft of the separation agreement. H wants this, he can work for it and make the calls. I made it easy enough for him by being the one to move out.
My IC session was rather uneventful. She asked why I thought H was being so nice. I came up with four possible reasons, and it's probably some of each: a) being generous now to prevent me from being unreasonable when it comes to talking settlement, b) because he does still care about me, c) he maintains some control over the situation, and d) guilt. I also told her about the camera and what H said about it. I did decide to keep it, he gave it to me, I can use it however I see fit, f*** his idea. If he wants a pic of me with another male, I'm gonna send him one of me holding Chester.
One thing that was kinda fun to think about this weekend was where I want to go after my lease is up. I started thinking about that since H mentioned he wanted to cash me out in regards to the house. That hurt when he mentioned it, I love that house, I worked so hard on it to make the rooms and the gardens pretty. And it'll be gone. It also hurt because I didn't realize this separation was permanent, but whatever... I do get my half of the equity in return for my signature on that deed. I'm thinking a small cottage or condo along Lake Erie sounds nice- I looked online, there are a few in my price range. Not many, but a few, so we'll see when my lease is up.
I'm starting to feel resentment and anger towards H but I'm keeping it in check. He put me through the wringer emotionally and his only consequence is financial, which overall is not a big deal. And as far as I can tell, he didn't do anything to try to fix the situation other than to try to fix me. He was willing to let me do all the work to fix it into something he liked. He was willing to just let me leave. He was willing to let me do the really hard work. He was NOT willing to look at himself, and he still isn't.
OK, let's go back to thinking about that cute little house by the lake...
