Please Advise!!!! I Could Use Some HELP

[Sugar and Spice]

Hi Shasha, I've been here for awhile and have read the book by Glass and would like to offer you some food for thought from another LBS.

First let me commend Cutterbug and Undefeated on their replies.

As a LBS, part of the healing comes from the realization and accepting of responsiblity by the WAS. It took both of you to get your M to a place where this was a possibility, but you are the one that made the choice to have an A.

In my case, I got burned more than once by a sense of false hope dangled before me by my WAH, only to be once again kicked in the teeth with the realization that he was playing me for a fool and buying himself time to cake-eat. The fact that your H is gun-shy is a natural reaction to being hurt. If you really want him back, you are going to have to work hard at building his trust and faith in you. Sorry to say, but your "word" may not be good enough anymore. You will have to prove yourself through action. If you are still in ANY kind of contact with OM, you are not serious about repairing your M. Unless there is a valid reason - ie: you have a child together, you are forced to work together, etc...there is NO reason for you to maintain any contact with OM and it would be a HUGE gesture to your H that you are serious.

No he does not know that I'm still in contact with the OM.

He suspects it though.

Please keep in mind the OM still calls me but I have made it clear that I'm no longer interested and have put GREAT distance between the two of us.

Change your phone number and email address, then OM will also get the message that you are serious. If he is still calling and you are answering the phone, what message are you sending him? It sounds like you are keeping him waiting, "Just in Case" your reconciliation dosen't go as planned.

I am already in the process of joining a different gym as well. My husband wanted to know if I had done that yet but I told him I was in the process.

This is going to sound mean but, what process is there in joining a new gym? Your H asked you if you have changed because he is looking for signs from you that you are REALLY taking the steps that YOU need to in order to try and work on things. I would think the gym thing was fairly easy and if you are serious, I'd make this "process" more of a priority.

Moving forward I will send him a THANK YOU card and put my address and phone # in it although he already has it and wait for an answer/response. I will practice patience and LEARN what it means to be patient and wait. I will continue to pray and have faith that he WILL come around eventually. Also reading the book is helping me understand my damage.

This sounds perfect. Give some thought to changing your phone# and email address. You could explain that you are doing that as an act of commitment to your H and repairing your M.

These are just my opinions, take them or leave them but know that reconcilliation is hard and is a lot of 1 step forward, 2 steps back.

I'll keep checking on you and best of luck.