rr22 - I don't think when he's in that agitated state he knows if it's his mood or me upsetting him. That's where communication is starting to come back in. I'd like to know!
For months, when I was where you are, I thought it was me and I did handstands to try to please him. I'd think, "H is mad, and I want to show him my changes so I better work on what he is complaining about." But it was never enough and always something new.
Eventually, my friend said, "H is just mad right now. Don't hang out with him. He needs to feel his own feelings. H wants to be separated because he is so mad now. So let him. Give him enough rope to hang himself. It won't last forever." She was so right.
H could say those complaints in a calmer tone, its' the angry energy of venting that makes it so painful. So, yeah, I think it's more their mood than they'd like us to think.
