Trying to move on

[ClingingToHope]

I'm not sure I'm postponing a D. It seems like I'm helping speed things up.

Man, my feelings have run the gamut. After W left I talked to my aunt and sister to get me through the day. Then I went to a movie with a friend -- the wife of a friend of mine, he's out of town and she was bored.

We ate after and she's not a believer in divorcebusting. She is into chivalry and said she'd want me to be fighting for her.

I do wonder if the D train just keeps plowing forward if, at some point, maybe the day I have to sign, shouldn't I give it one last emotional appeal. Just say we promised God we'd love, honor and cherish each other forever and we'd gotten through so much -- the death of mom, her dad, a flood, D7's struggles with ADHD -- that's so much to throw away.

Then, I decided to swing by the house to see if the girls and her were there. It's on my way home. They are off school tomorrow so if they were home the lights would be on.

No lights. Remember W had asked me if I wanted the girls tonight. She's pulled this before, offering me an extra night with the girls, but in actuality basically using me as a free baby sitter.

She's off work tomorrow so she probably had a chance to head to this little town 30 minutes from here where her best friend lives and there's no one that I know so she won't have to worry about anything getting back to me.

So I turned down the chance to have them. If she wanted to go out, she was going to have to them stay two straight nights at their grandmother's house. They like it there, but not enough to stay two straight nights. There's not much to do there.

It looks like the pull of the party was more important to her than what the girls wanted.

So now I'm mad again and wondering why I can't just let it go. I need to get that deal we talked about today signed sealed and delivered.