Soaring Solo 2010

[Gardener]

Serenity,

Sweetie - You will never fully be finished grieving her/your marriage...There will always be a piece of you that wonders - What could have been, what went wrong, what should have been etc...

I understand your point but, Lord, I hope you're wrong.

The one thing that stands out about your whole post -

She never wanted this

What is "this"? The divorce? The unhappiness? The changes? The anger?

Actually, Seren, I took the "it," "this strife," to be her even-more-disdainful, entrenched, demanding attitude throughout the Mediation which, among other things, sent us both scrambling for - and to - lawyers which Mediation, by definition practically precludes. I didn't think the "it" was the sitch/divorce itself and even now that you've got me reviewing it in my mind, I still don't think so. But who knows? If she did mean something else, I'd imagine that would become apparent relatively shortly.

I of course know why you responded the way you did, but truthfully - What do you want?

I wish in a way that I hadn't responded at all and just listened and not engaged. I wish I had DB'ed it a bit. I wish I had remembered that I was speaking to someone who has accused me of a couple of vile untrue things, who made a thinly veiled threat re: "how much you value your relationship with StepS & StepD," in Mediator's office when I made a demand, shortly after which they both dropped me like a stone.

What do I want? Like all of us here, turning back the clock would be the ideal.

Short of that, I'm ready to be D'ed and, frankly, done with who she is now.

I have avoided commenting on any post lately because I feel I don't have anything to offer - I feel emotionally spent and I can't figure out how to get back to myself again...

I know. I understand. But don't go away from here. Stay away from commenting on others' sitches, sure, but stay active - talking - on your own thread. That's when we all need and help each other the most.
Thanks, (((Serenity))).