Praying for Light at the end of the Tunnel

[kjensen]

Update;
Not much going on with H..I'm mostly filling the forms for my lawyer. Was pretty sad and internalized last week...mourning.

H did join me and D12 at our D14's musical dinner/fundraiser Saturday night. Things were Ok between us but he was pretty harsh on D12- getting on her when he couldn't hear her answer his questions..made me sad, but I left it between them. Gave me critical looks about her eye makeup and choice of music(rap) that she was listening to...

Today H called while I was out. I called him back several hours later and he didn't have much to say-wanted me to use some credit card points before closing the account..when I askd if there was anything he wanted/needed to use the points on he said he saw some things but thought I might find something. When I said I'd look but if I didn't find anything he should use the points he got mad at how I said what I said..He thought he was being nice he said, but he shouldn't have...I just don't get these twists and turns with his mood. I don't think there's anyway to come out OK in a discussion with him..there'll alway be something I do or say wrong.

I asked if he was angry(Because I was really confused by his response) he said no and that he had said what needed to be said and there wasn't anything more to talk about-he had to go..

Just so weird. So if I hadn't called(which I really had a mind to do) he would've gotten mad and asked if I wasn't talking to him..

Don't have alot of positive feelings towards him now. certainly not "in love" with him right now..just feel alot of sadness for him. Anger at the situaton I'm in-getting divorced whether I want to or not- mad that the promise he made when we married was so easily discarded...so I guess the anger has helped me detach ALOT more..