Thank you everyone. I read the recent posts before we packed up the care to leave town. I figured I would have a little time up here to post replies, but traffic was so bad that we just barely arrived at our hotel.
Right now I'm in a single hotel room with three teenagers, my two kids and D17's best friend. (She's super positive!). We got one room to save money, but it's close quarters!
I don't enough privacy and time to post much right now.
I'm having a great time right now, despite everything. Your support has a big part in it!
M:42|W:40|D:17|S:13|Bomb:10/23/09 Awoken's Current Thread
...Right now I'm in a single hotel room with three teenagers, my two kids and D17's best friend. (She's super positive!). We got one room to save money, but it's close quarters...I'm having a great time right now, despite everything....
And that is the way it's done! GAL
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
I got back today from our ski trip, dropped the kids off at the house and headed out to a gig (it basically paid for the trip). We had a great time. I picked up some kind of flu/fever/sorethroat but it was more than worth it!
D17's best friend was a great addition. She had never been skiing before, and was excited and exuberant the entire time. I can see why D17 loves her. She knows about our sitch, and at first I suspected that she was being extra joyful for our benefit, but D17 told me she is like this all the time (even annoyingly so sometimes). We had a lot of laughs, a lot of joy, lots of car games and inside jokes. They gave me a nickname! On the way back we sang along to a Beatles playlist.
The best for me, was late at night in the hotel room. We were all in the same room. The three of them (S13, D17, Friend17) stayed up late talking with the lights off. Even though I was half asleep I could clearly hear them, and I'm glad they were comfortable and tired enough to be themselves with me right there. I just laid there with my eyes closed and listened to their gentle talking. They we both confident, experienced, and yet retained their innocence. I think I had a rare glimpse into their private world, and I was so comforted to know that they still have child like joy, trust, and love.
M:42|W:40|D:17|S:13|Bomb:10/23/09 Awoken's Current Thread
Thanks GIMA. I see you've had a hard week; I'm over to your thread next to post.
It was a nice trip; I need to hold on those moments.
I made that last post from the parking lot of a Krystal down the street from my gig (hate the food, love the wifi).I had just finished my gig. When I began the trip home I found myself full of dread, and growing negativity. I decided to stop and read the forums for a while.
I need to really improve myself/my thinking when I'm in the house with W, and make it more positive. Right now, coming home just fills me with so much sadness. I wish it could all be ski weekends.
M:42|W:40|D:17|S:13|Bomb:10/23/09 Awoken's Current Thread
Awoken, I'm so glad you had a great weekend with your kids. I know what you mean about those glimpses into their world- I get that once in a great while with my D9 and it fills my heart with joy!
About the dread- this is what I do....I imagine a giant stop sign like I have read about on these posts. I know it sounds crazy but it helps. Also, I just keep remembering WHAT IF this is my last day on earth, am I going to waste it worrying about their mood OR make MY mood the best it can be. Also I have decided that I can mope/cry later when my kids aren't home. They need me to be the very best mom I can be---I learned that from you! My dad always told me that I AM in charge of my outlook- no one else-not my co-worker or spouse or friend--I AM in charge of me.
You only have to get thru one day at a time. I hope today is great for you.
JG
M-44 H-44 D9 S1 M-17 T-20 Bomb-8/09 EA/PA/MLC H moved out 2/4/10
It's not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are.-Roy Disney
About the dread- this is what I do....I imagine a giant stop sign like I have read about on these posts. I know it sounds crazy but it helps. Also, I just keep remembering WHAT IF this is my last day on earth, am I going to waste it worrying about their mood OR make MY mood the best it can be. Also I have decided that I can mope/cry later when my kids aren't home. They need me to be the very best mom I can be---I learned that from you! My dad always told me that I AM in charge of my outlook- no one else-not my co-worker or spouse or friend--I AM in charge of me.
You only have to get thru one day at a time. I hope today is great for you.
Really good point, JG. And something I plan to use as well.
Awoken, I'm so glad that you had such a great trip. The teens must have been really thrilled to have had that adventure with you.
Originally Posted By: Awoken
I need to really improve myself/my thinking when I'm in the house with W, and make it more positive. Right now, coming home just fills me with so much sadness. I wish it could all be ski weekends.
I can relate to that. I am trying to figure out how to work on my thinking so that I can GAL (which includes non-fun stuff like getting back into doing billable hours to deal with my financial vulnerability). I think that I want to put some focus on doing The Work. I am suffering because I am believing my thoughts. I need to challenge those thoughts. I want to re-read I Need Your Love - Is that True?. It's a great book and it helps me to see that there are other ways of looking at love than the way that I am stuck in now.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
I think that I want to put some focus on doing The Work. I am suffering because I am believing my thoughts. I need to challenge those thoughts. I want to re-read I Need Your Love - Is that True?. It's a great book and it helps me to see that there are other ways of looking at love than the way that I am stuck in now.
All of Byron Katie's stuff is tremendous. I used The Work to help me shift my thinking around my H's EA, to help find some peace and take actions that were in alignment with what I wanted. I'm not sure where in the world you are, but she's speaking at a conference in San Diego in the next couple of months. I've seen her before, and it's invaluable. In fact, H and I are taking FIL to see her, hoping he's chosen as one of the people she works with on stage. <evil grin>
Hang in there! Find a way to create that "ski weekend" mentality every single day.
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
All of Byron Katie's stuff is tremendous. I used The Work to help me shift my thinking around my H's EA, to help find some peace and take actions that were in alignment with what I wanted.
Oh, I'm really excited to hear about someone using The Work as part of the DBing process, especially someone whose marriage has survived some bumps.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
