Am I Ready for This?

[glamgirl]

Upside you will need to grieve all over again. It's like the R ended all over again. Only you can decide what to do from here. Is that standing and waiting more, keeping the door open, closing the door? There are many options and you don't need to make a decision today.

For me, I knew that the end was near. 4 Christmas's without a single phone call from my h was enough for me. He only text me on Christmas Day to say "you just don't get it". I knew at that moment nothing was ever going to change unless my h wanted it to.

I knew in my heart I wanted more, but my h was not willing to give me more. So I needed to make a decision for me, not for my h.

Most recently my h was being friendly and asked if I wanted to have sex with him. For the first time I was able to say no. Now I would have really liked that, but I knew in my heart I would be left with the crumbs not a real R.

I decided what I wanted was a h not some stranger now and then. It wasn't until I got to this realization that I knew I needed to move forward.

You will know in your heart when enough is truly enough. Take time to think through what you need to do, but my best advice is to let him come to you. Don't call, don't text, let him chase you. If he does, then you know where you stand. If he doesn't then you can ponder it for awhile and see what happens in the future.

Whatever happens you will be fine. We all get there eventually.

Remember this is NOT what I wanted for my life or my children, but knew that I would be living in la la land for a long long long long time to come. My h had stopped counseling and refused to start it up again. I felt then I had no more options.

I don't really think my h is happy. Heck he is a very depressed man, but I to see that I can't fix that. He needs to want to pull himself out of the deep dark depression. He knows that, but for whatever reason he stays stuck. I can't help with this nor can I give him advice. He mostly resents anything I suggest or do. It is seen as me telling him what to do.

Take time for you Upside!