Hopeless feelings

[mb28]

I felt like the conversation went well tonight with my H. We went over some budget ideas to see if we could afford for him to rent an apartment. However, we are going to wait and see what the realtor says tomorrow about the house before we make any decisions. All though I don’t want to go through the stress of trying to sell the house right now, I agree with H about putting it on the market. It’s a big house, and it’s not something I want to have to take care of and try to afford on my own. If my marriage does end, I think the kids and I would be much happier in a smaller house or condo. This would give me more time and money to be able to do stuff with my kids. This house has our money stretched to the max as it is now.

The conversation did turn to R/M talk but I stayed strong and non-emotional. I told him that I cared for him, and wanted him to be happy. That I respected and trusted him to make the right decision for himself, even if that decision ends up to not stay married to me. I told him that I would like to try to make the marriage work. However, that I can’t control how he feels or what he decides. In addition, that I will be fine either way.

He did a lot of the same old talk on how he’s been hurt and he doesn’t think I really love him and haven’t for 4 years. He tells me he starts to think maybe he can come back and then I do something that makes him mad (snooping or whatever else he thinks I do). He explained that he just doesn’t see it ever working out. I just did a lot of validating and telling him these were his choices and it was out of my control.

I’m really going to try to focus on myself for now, and only surround myself with positive people. Really, start trying to work on GAL.

Thank you for all the replies and advice about this conversation.