(((Serenity))), I'm sorry to hear about todays boundary-ignoring. Consequences? In any event, my friend, you know it has nothing to do with this:
Originally Posted By: Serenity13
So now I sit in tears again, wondering why I even care because it is obvious I am never going to be good enough and I didn't do anything wrong...
God doesn't make anything or anyone that "isn't good enough." Especially you. When you're done with those tears, summon up the ever-stronger Serenity we see growing on this board.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
So sorry you had such a bad day! Don't take what he says personally. He needs to make you out to be the "bad guy" in his head to justify his actions to himself. It is not you, it is him. Just keep reminding yourself of that. I know, way easier said that done. You are more than "good enough."
I have a lot to read to catch up, but I just wanted to say I too have a very angry 14yr old. Is your S in any sort of IC or is there someone that he can open up to? I have had a couple of incidents with my DS14 and I can sympathize with you 100%. The important thing to remember is that he is a kid and he doesn't have the life experience or perspective to really deal with all that had gone on in your sitch. Its not much, but he is hurting and lashing out and because you are his mom and love him no matter what. He knows this and it makes you "safe" to vent on because you won't walk away from him.
Whether or not he is bigger or stronger than you is not the issue here unless you feel that he might harm you physically. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this with a H that only seems to add to the problem.
When my son was acting out towards me his IC told me to get him into a sport where he could use some of that pent up agression in a positive manner (football, batting cage, etc...) something physical with contact that he could focus some of that anger on. She also suggested martial arts for the discipline aspect. My son is a sport nut, so this really helped him as well as talking to her.
My prayers are with you....
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
(((Serenity))), Thought I'd bring this from my thread over here. Gotta bump you up as well as pump you up!
Originally Posted By: Serenity13
I was just reading in the Newcomers section and I can't bring myself to respond...
Good. If you can't, don't.
Originally Posted By: Serenity13
I am trying though - I will get through this...You were right and I shouldn't have left so I am back and will somehow get through this.(((Hugs)))
Well, it's not a case of should or shouldn't, but I understand. Stay with/on your own thread. Sounds like you need it. And you will get through this. Somehow, we always do. And, re: your sitch, did you consider calling in some of son's mentors like I suggested?
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
No more thinking, no more analyzing, no more heartache. This is my life and I refuse to allow my happiness depend on someone else. There is no point worrying about this for another second. I am taking control of this now. I am the one that has the power to end my pain, no one else. My thoughts and actions control my feelings. I can control both, and I will. There will no more planning, no more searching for a reaction and no more submissiveness. I deserve better from myself. If I find myself planning something to get attention, I will stop. If I find myself reminiscing about better times, I will stop. If I find myself think about what anyone else is doing apart from myself, I will stop. Every day that I spend dwelling on that which I can’t control is another day wasted. Every day that I spend dwelling on that which I can’t control is another day that I have delayed myself from feeling better. I don’t need to worry about this situation, it is over. I accept that. This situation is now irresolvable from my end. I have done all that I can. I will no longer put myself in a position to be disrespected and I will instead start respecting myself. I am a prize, I am a catch. I will not lower myself to a level that I have no business being on. I am letting it go. If it comes back, the decision then becomes mine. I will not wait for it to come back however, my decision has already been made – I am moving on. If it doesn’t come back, I have my self respect – the knowledge that I have walked away from a situation with my dignity intact. I will not compromise my dignity again. I am walking away knowing that I have avoided making someone who has no right feeling above me, feel just that. I am walking away from this and I will have no regrets. Mine is not a position to regret because I have given it my all. My mind is telling me that what I’m putting myself through is wrong, that I am wrong to torture myself over this. I am now listening. I will not re-enter the equation. I will not put myself in harms way again. I will not leave myself open for rejection. I will now start respecting myself enough to end my pain. I am the only one that can do so. And today is that day. I’m done.
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
If someone wanted at all to be with you, they wouldn't leave to pursue someone else.
I think we should maintain our dignity and self-respect. We shouldn't need to plead with someone to come back when they don't want to come back. We shouldn't sit around waiting and hoping instead of using that time to enjoy our own lives.
It isn't burning bridges to drop the rope and let them pursue what they're pursuing. They're the ones who are burning bridges. sometimes they recognize what they've lost and are willing to put energy into the relationship and that's great. That provides a basis for success. But when you're the only one putting in energy, it won't work.
IMO. lodo
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
I just let my son know I was done with him and his father - They can all live over there together with the OW like one big friggen happy family...
He cursed me over text, told me to STFU, kept telling me what a B I was as well as an Ahole and I was evil...He wants to stay with his Dad...
After going back and forth I gave up...I sent a text to H to pick his stuff up when the little one was in school and he would now be financially responsible for him and all his appts. with his PO etc...Guess who called within 5 minutes of that text - Acting like he doesn't have a clue...Told me he would talk to S...Ends by saying I love you - Eff you is what I have to say.
I am done.
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
No more thinking, no more analyzing, no more heartache. This is my life and I refuse to allow my happiness depend on someone else. There is no point worrying about this for another second. I am taking control of this now. I am the one that has the power to end my pain, no one else. My thoughts and actions control my feelings. I can control both, and I will. There will no more planning, no more searching for a reaction and no more submissiveness. I deserve better from myself. If I find myself planning something to get attention, I will stop. If I find myself reminiscing about better times, I will stop. If I find myself think about what anyone else is doing apart from myself, I will stop. Every day that I spend dwelling on that which I can’t control is another day wasted. Every day that I spend dwelling on that which I can’t control is another day that I have delayed myself from feeling better. I don’t need to worry about this situation, it is over. I accept that. This situation is now irresolvable from my end. I have done all that I can. I will no longer put myself in a position to be disrespected and I will instead start respecting myself. I am a prize, I am a catch. I will not lower myself to a level that I have no business being on. I am letting it go. If it comes back, the decision then becomes mine. I will not wait for it to come back however, my decision has already been made – I am moving on. If it doesn’t come back, I have my self respect – the knowledge that I have walked away from a situation with my dignity intact. I will not compromise my dignity again. I am walking away knowing that I have avoided making someone who has no right feeling above me, feel just that. I am walking away from this and I will have no regrets. Mine is not a position to regret because I have given it my all. My mind is telling me that what I’m putting myself through is wrong, that I am wrong to torture myself over this. I am now listening. I will not re-enter the equation. I will not put myself in harms way again. I will not leave myself open for rejection. I will now start respecting myself enough to end my pain. I am the only one that can do so. And today is that day. I’m done.
