@Kettricken: My inner feminist is screeching "wtf?????" Double standard much?

Waaaaayyyyy much! I suspect it's really just a coping mechanism.

But I did have a pretty serious talk with a buddy who is still married to a woman who had 3 1-year-long affairs -- simultaneously -- 3 years ago (i.e., 3 men, all at the same time, in the year 2006-2007), and once properly motivated (i.e., several tumblers of Lagavulin 16-year-old with splashes of water) he dropped his defenses and 'fessed up to the fact that he still finds it very, very difficult to be completely present during sex with her. He still finds himself, in the midst of a long run or while fly-fishing or in the midst of a traffic jam, suddenly worried that she closes her eyes and sees one of "them" or compares him to "them" and so forth. According to Bud, his therapist advises him that "this is a life sentence, so get used to it."

So all else being equal -- and that's so much All Else -- that EVEN IF it were not the case that the probability is infinitesimally low-approaching-zero that STBXMRSSP would de-fog and de-MLC and de-beeyotch and SP would be marginally interested in revisiting the question of discussing the discussions necessary to open the discussion of the conditions under which there would be a discussion of the possibility of discussing reconciliation and piecing, even if that were not the case, I would still be extraordinarily reluctant even to open that can of worms given the fact that, on top of everything else, I'm just not certain I could cope with that "life sentence."