NC - W vanished ...

[P17]

I hope P does not do that.

I would rather P realizes that he is trying to contact W via his MIL and let her know she can eat cake again.

I know that's exactly what I'm trying to do. I just wanted to reach out and let her know I love her and want us to work. The kind of person she is will see the NC as a rejection and that I don't love her.

I know all of the above is completely wrong. I shouldn't be trying to initiate any kind of contact or wave any flags. I should just keep doing what I'm doing and if she wants to come back she knows where I am. However, I know she won't come back. And this contact is a little bit of desperation to try and say 'hi' without saying it to her.

I've been at this only two months now, which in the grand scheme of things is nothing. However in those two months I haven't initiated any kind of contact at all. I've been strong. I am wavering now but that's what you guys are helping me with. You're helping me stay strong.

These feelings just now are nothing more than a blip. I know in 2-3 days I'll feel a lot better about things and it will all be good again.

I've decided to do nothing for the time being. I will wait until D's birthday is out of the way next week and then make a decision then.

Last night was cancelled so I didn't go out with the lady I expected to. D's mum came out with me instead. Not sure whether that was a good idea or not, but it happened.

We had a great night actually.

Saw a few of W's friends. No doubt they will report back what was seen. However every single one of them blanked me. One of them even sat down right next to me and never uttered a 'hi' or anything else.

Heard from D's mum tonight. I don't remember some of the night (common trait for me no matter who much or little I drink!). There was Karaoke on at the last bar we were at. Apparently, while we were standing at the bar, somebody was singing 'Girls Got Rhythm' at the Karaoke, which, if you know the song has a 'backing singer' line of 'Girls Got Rhythm' all the way through the chorus. So, me and D's mum, as loud as we could, took that job on and were singing away. The bar staff thought it was great, however, W's friends made a few comments as they were standing next to us (D's mum couldn't remember what the comments were but they were not happy and were tutting away). D's mum did tell me at the time but, me being me said '<nasty word removed> them' and just got louder. We were having fun, nobody was being hurt, and the bar staff thought it cool. So who were they to stop us?

As I said, we had a great night. Home by 2am.

I just can't be bothered with those people who think it's actually cool to accept lifts from you one month and then completely blank you the next. What exactly have I done? More story nonsense from W no doubt ... maybe I beat her again or maybe they think I should be crying into my soup at home?

Just a bit p*ssed off tonight about this. Annoys me. Makes the job of reconciliation, the remote possibility that it actually is, all that much harder. But then being with D's mum isn't doing me any favours. However, I think to myself, do I sit around and ignore D's mum in the faintest hope that W comes back or do I get on with my life, see who I want to see and have fun with whoever I want to have fun with?

I think I need to sleep and just forget about all this cr*p just for one night. I would give a lot to have one day of feeling great without the prospect of a D, an adulterous W, a D without her step-mum, and the memories of the love I've lost hanging over me.

Anyway, rant over. I'm off to bed.