Well, one thing I think you should do is NOT let her in your house! If she wants to hug your boys outside, then fine, but allowing her to come in and abuse you verbally or criticize is not ok (and has she ever gone very long without that kind of comment?).
No, you can't change her. I read recently one theory is people like her do that constant criticism due to avoid the finger being pointed at themselves. Or maybe it's projecting, or whatever. My X was just emailing this week about me not being able to accept responsibility for my mistakes (just a little projection there, huh?). You can't do anything about it, but I think you should have firmer boundaries. No letting her in your house, end a phone call as soon as she insults or abuses you, Just email her the facts about your kids, no debating or defending or addressing her personal attacks.
You can't do anything about her and her less than positive parenting behaviors, I think other than pray for her, and trust in God to work everything out for the best. I know it will!
