Trying to move on

[ClingingToHope]

I'm just emotionally exhausted. We talked for about 45 minutes. I should be doing flip-flops. She's willing to grant joint physical custody and lower my weekly payments. She realizes she owes me about $30,000 and has figured out a way to get it.

The only complicating factor is the house. The payments are killing her but she can't stay in it much longer. So she'll have to get it on the market.

Try as I might, I couldn't act all happy. The look on her face was pity sometimes. She got a little emotional when she talked about the kids and how she couldn't go five straight days without seeing them.

Otherwise, it was the same look I've seen on her face since the start. Certainty. Certain that she doesn't love me anymore and may have never loved me. Certain that a divorce is the only thing that will make her happy. Certain that there's no point to attempting to reconcile.

I'm certain that she's wrong, that she did love me and does still, it's just buried under depression. I'm certain she'll realize it someday, but she may be too stubborn to ever admit it. And I'm certain this is going to be the tragedy of my daughters' childhood.

No matter how much I knew it wouldn't happen, I still hoped she would say this is all a mistake and we should try again. When will I give up hoping?