None of this feels right, that's why I suppose its called doing a 180.
I think the conversation and the way you managed it was text book DB.
The "meeting her needs" question is really tricky. How can you meet her needs when the appoach is tough love, which basically means your not attempting to meet any of her needs. I think the idea behind the approach is to give your W the opportunity to miss those needs you have been providing. Once she determines you are the only that can do that, she will initiate and pursue. You then have to work you can off to make sure that comes to fruition. Just a thought.
Remember you are demanding respect and are demonstrating to her that you are not going to put with her bad behaviors. None of us are there with you to pick-up on vibes, we do not know your wife, and we are not aware of the history between you two. I think the tough love approach is pretty solid but it it feels really wrong of if you think she is starting to soften, then maybe you should re-evaluate things.
