Don't doubt yourself and the stand you have taken. You can feel honor moreso now than when you were allowing her to do the things she was doing to bring dishonor into the home. Stick to doing what you know is the right thing. If you need to make a decision about something, then do like you did tonight and ask the board.
Take good care of you and the kids.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I have no doubt that I'm doing the right thing, especially for the kids. Standing up and saying "I won't condone it" in front of the kids even though "there's nothing I can do about it" is definately the right thing to do.
They will see that I'm doing the right thing even if no-one else does.
H: 44 W: 42 Married: 23 years Bomb: 16/07/2009 PA Confirmed: 16/01/2010 Over it & working on ME: Feb'ish 2010
Try to just acknowledge those feelings, acknowledge how bad it is... but don't get stuck there. I got in the habit of going for a drive somewhere by myself so I could rage, cry, vent etc. I also go to IC for myself. In your darkest moments, try to remember your W is not herself. Whether it is MLC or the addictive nature of the A, she is in the fog we have all witnessed our WAS's to be in.
Take care of yourself Blownaway. Do something kind for yourself. Be gentle with yourself, lower your expectations of yourself. You are going to be hurting for awhile.
But then, dust yourself off, pick yourself up and implement whatever plan you have decided to take. Use the DB strategies, try not to show all this emotion to W. When you do see her, look great, smell great and keep calmly stating your stand.
No matter how your sitch turns out, you won't hurt like this forever. You will be ok. And, we are here for you.
I presented W with a handwritten note for both our signatures stating that we both agreed this was the final division of 'Goods & Chattels' and told her this was her one chance to get what she wanted, I would be giving rest to charity (I'm pretty sure that it is in no way legally binding though).
She had taken about 1/3 what I thought she would take.
She wouldn't sign anything so I told her nothing more was to leave the house and that it wasn't on that she keep coming back for more and more. She left saying she would be back once they had sorted first lot out, but they didn't come back.
Interestingly her car stayed at BIL's house, so she didn't go running off to OM for comfort.
Have instructed the kids that BIL is not allowed into the house by himself (W & I both working all week I think) and that if W & BIL turn up again while I am at work they are to ring me before anything else is taken.
Original instructions still stand, whatever is still hers and here Tuesday night is going to charity.
H: 44 W: 42 Married: 23 years Bomb: 16/07/2009 PA Confirmed: 16/01/2010 Over it & working on ME: Feb'ish 2010
