What can I do to save my marriage? Help

[Greek]

Apparently my W had done some research on the women that I was texting and told me all that was wrong with them....$luts. “I don’t want my children around them”.she said, “Oh really, I better stay away from them?” I said.

Later, I said “you really don’t want a divorce do you.” I told her that I wasn’t pursuing it either and that threw her a bit... “You mean everything we spoke about in Cancun is off” I said “yep”. She seemed kind of pissed then went to her room for the night. Her behavior which had been nice to me suddenly changed. “I wish you would make up your mind. I can’t figure you out. You are nice to me sometimes then your not.”

When I told Coach I was having second thoughts about D, he was not PISSED. So your W's reaction is puzzling to me based on my experience. When Coach and I had the 'calling off the D' talk, there was a lot of thoughtful talk about how to go forward. Not PISSED and retiring for the night. Puzzling and a red flag IMO.

I felt compelled at that time to write her a letter and tell her what really I felt. I told her that the old marriage was dead. I told her that the old Tridoc was dead. I was now committed to change for a lifetime. I trust her. My goals are.

1.To let my guidance will come from God.

2.To be the best father that I can be.

3.To provide her with unconditional love. ( I know it has taken a long time to get to the point where you are now, and I am willing to do this for the rest of my life) I expect nothing in return.

4.To be a man and not a fourth child and be someone who she can trust to protect her.

If she wanted to pursue a divorce, I would respect her choice, but I was not going to contribute to it.

I said a few other things and I told her that I was sorry for texting those women and that it was wrong and I would never do it again. She kept the letter in her drawer. Wouldn’t she throw it out if she didn’t care?

On the heels of what you had just said about not pursuing a D, wouldn't she want to talk to you about what you poured out in that letter? But she didn't. That says "I don't care".

Yesterday, she went to Phoenix for her marathon trip. I put a card in her case with a good luck wish from me and all the kids. I texted her to call or text me when she got in. No response. I called the hotel to see if she checked in and she didn’t check in until 11:00pm. I was connected to the room and didn’t get an answer, her plane got in at 7:45pm. I found a printed boarding pass for that plane in the trash in her room. Confusing??? I never heard from her until 6 the next morning. Text ...“ I made it in last night. The hotel is cool. Everything’s good. Thanks for checking”.

Hold the phone - RED FLAG. Esp. if when you ask her about this, you don't get a reasonable explanation. When I show up in a city to run a marathon, the 1st thing I do is make sure my hotel is squared away - then I go to pick up my race pack. The hotel has to be first b/c if I don't have a place to lay my head that night, no running for me the next day. And no contact with you or her kids - NO CONTACT - until the next morning. I know you say you trust her - you really don't which is why you were checking behind her - but Doc! Doc! Doc! This is not the behavior of a woman who is trying to put her M back together. It looks more like trying to get away with something. And I'm sorry - I so hope I'm wrong - but good grief I just don't understand how I could be, given what you've told us.

I called her and had a short conversation after the text. She said her phone was still in airplane mode last night. I don’t believe her. Every time a plane lands she always switches it on. I since have texted her a picture of the kids “We miss you” at lunch without a response.
[quote]
I have been concerned about her having a tryst in Phoenix ever since she made those plans back in Oct. and she knows it. She wouldn’t change the plans despite me being on call all weekend and she had to find a number of people to watch and take care of our kids. I thought this was irresponsible and a bit selfish, but that’s just me.

So if I was in the mode of putting my M back together and I KNEW my H had concerns about a scheduled trip, I would make sure to be in contact w/ H along the way to make sure his fears were addressed by my openess. I would do that b/c I want to restore trust and b/c I want to love my H in a way that is meaningful to him. I would NOT NOT NOT behave as she did. And again, that's just me - but I am a woman, I did walk away, and I have pieced a M back together so I think I know what it looks like.

There are no further trips planed and I feel that this is the ultimate test of trust.

Damn right it is and that is why you need to know all about this trip.

She seemed so upset about me meeting up for coffee with some women, and exclaimed “ not until you are divorced” I can’t possibly understand how she would be doing anything herself. She seems to feel so strongly about it and has been brought up with Christian boundaries.

She didn't have any problem keeping her Christian values compartmentalized when she was having the A you busted her on. And she doesn't seem to have any problem compartmentalizing the hypocrisy of her rants about you talking to other women. She sounds like a petulant child, Doc - not a woman.

Now a MLC...... It seems to make sense??? Next phase.

Perhaps MLC. You'd be lucky if that's it. My money is on an affair. Sorry but that's how it looks to me.

Greek