I think you are absolutely spot on with your post about the different WAS's. And I do think Soleil is actually the LBS and not a WAW. I thought that by definition, a WAS does not want to work on the M. I believe if WAS decides to work on the M, they cease being the WAS.
Sandi2, I don't get over here too often, but I lurk and have been watching several sitch's. Soleil for one. Spybunny is another. I'm a WAW. This is my third attempt to leave in 3 years. My Hus has been verbally and sometimes physically abusive for most of our 20-year marriage. I finally learned to say the word abuse about a year ago. And I'm doing some personal work w/ IC to learn how I ended up marrying this guy in the first place.
He is beloved by all, which is not unusual for a predator. By day, Mr. Nice Guy, pillar of the community. After dark, craziness. You can read all about it in "We're Separated..."
I'll be busy resting, visiting S16, and moving into my new place for the next couple of weeks. (Taking medical LOA) I'll pop over as time allows once I'm settled in. If anyone is free and want to come to Portland for the weekend, I could use more help!
For years I thought it was my fault. I should try harder to be a good Christian wife. I'm Catholic, I don't believe in Divorce. Until now. You don't mess with the Mama Bear, or her cubs, any more.
Me:44, WAW hx bi-polar H:48, hx of abuse S:22, S:19, D:16 Filed Oct 08, dismissed Filed again Jan 10, dismissed Now Piecing alter persona: SuperBoots
I knew you were in that kind of stitch, Goldey, and I think there are other women who come to the board who are much like you were and it's hard for them to face the fact and call it abuse. As somebody has already said, the majority of us use the term WAW in reference to those who do not want to stay in the M but not b/c of any abuse or anything like that. I belive it is the attitude of the heart that defines the WAW that MWD describes in her article.
But, let me very quickly add this......I believe there is a needed place here on the board for you and others who have had to leave a bad situation. You, Soleil and some others have a way about you that reaches out and touches others and you especially can reach other women. I tend to be too hard on them and they don't like that much....
I have a hard time dealing with my anger where abuse is concerned and I don't think I'm the one to try to "encourage" those ladies. I get too frustrated with them. But you understand them, and that is why you are very much needed here.
You know, I hope, that I care much about your safety and health. Take care sweetheart.
Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I've been trying to catch some of you men when I see you posting on the board. I call you my DB guys b/c I've been with you here a while and know where you stand with WAW's and the tough love. I haven't been able to flag any of you down on the active topics, but if you happen to see this, there is a newcomer in the WAW Syndrome forum that might need the "man's touch". Maybe he'll relate better to what you say. Not sure I'm getting through to him or else he's refusing to see what he needs to do.
His thread is My WAW and her EA by Ken.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Sandi, I'm just now reading your post you referenced in my thread. I agree that there each and every one of us has a different POV and that is a good thing since everyone will have a different insight/advice/experience to add to the pot, so to speak.
Originally Posted By: sandi2
And, Soleil, if you catch this, I hope you will understand what I'm saying and you will continue to be the encouragement to board memebers that you have been doing. You have a very sweet & encouraging word to newcomers....and they often need to hear that.
I will definitely continue posting advice in others' threads. Sometimes just a Hello can really brighten someone's day. This place has been truly amazing and such a wonderful experience.
Originally Posted By: mza8
Soleil was very kind to comment and give me some insight to my sitch. Soleil's sitch is one of the many sitch's that I follow. Soleil, I hope and pray that your sitch works out the way you want it. You are a very kind hearted person and deserve the best.
Glad you received encouragement and have found this site. Sometimes just venting, putting everything into words, even without a response, is a miracle worker. And thanks for checking in on my thread...feel free to post!
Sandi, thanks much for posting. You are a HUGE help and source of peace for so many of us on this board!
