Am I Ready for This?

[Upside]

I used to constantly tell myself that I have to live as if he was never coming back. Eventually this does get easier and eventually I started to accept the fact that he probably wasn't coming back. Believe me, this makes living and moving ahead so much easier and happier.

Today I am having difficulty with this. Maybe it is all too new since it was just a couple of weeks ago I thought (or wanted to believe) my H was going to move home. I keep having flashes of memories and feelings that make me want to do something stupid like contact him. I have to remind myself that things would just end up the same way. I am frustrated with myself because I keep remembering the good times and forgeting the bad. Today I feel afraid to move on and leave behind the love and the history that we share but somehow I have to get out of limboland.

You can not decide the timing or push it faster but you can decide what YOU want.

Very true. What I want is for my H to snap out of his MLC and come home to be the committed H he once was. Since that is not an option right now, I have to move forward alone even if it isn't what I really want.

Sometimes in life you have to do what you feel in your heart is the best decision. I know what I want, now it’s just a matter of getting what I want.

You deserve to find what it is you want in life. You put so much effort into trying to save your family. It is so sad that your H couldn't be the man his family needed him to be. You sound strong and resolute. I am proud of you. I am working on getting there. At least at the moment, this is more difficult than I thought it would be.

We differ in values and the bottom line is I didn't make my h happy.

This sentence really hit home for me. I always thought my H and I wanted the same thing. Even in this state he is in, I'm beginning to wonder if (because he has been able to do what he's done) there is too big of a difference in our values to ever make this work. Kind of a hard thing to admit.

That is true that we can't make our spouses happy right now however, there really isn't anything or anyone out there that can make them happy. I have to wonder if our spouses hadn't run away from their committments, would they be as miserable?

moving on a bit with the door still open
maybe your H justs needs a little more time to figure it out
and in the meantime you can set yourself free from limboland

I'm trying to figure out a way to keep the door open but yet set myself free from limoboland. I really feel like the only thing that has changed is the NC and I am grieving the loss of the relationship again. This isn't easy. I have all these thoughts running through my head...Do I pack up his things? Do I file? Do I start to date? If I really want to move on, I need to do those things but I am not sure I am ready.

Look on the bright side though - I'd rather be in our shoes than in theirs.

True. Even with all the denial, they truly must be tortured souls.