Having difficult thoughts this morning. Not sure I can move forward with H as I recall learning yesterday that there is evidence that some things can change but others may not.
And I don't like that it is up to me to decide.
Sorry Kass...I hope you find the answers you need. Even though your H is sober he still has alot of work to do on himself it seems. Keep doing what you need to do for you.
((KASS))))
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
I am not ready to make a decision but after therapy yesterday it is obvious that while husband may change some - it won't be a smooth life. It is such a hard thing to consider until things start to go south and then I wonder why I struggle.
I like the way you (VH) put the sitch that it is a gift I will have to remind myself b/c i don't see it that way yet.
It is getting harder to see H at work and not think about us.
Since we still have bills in common there is still a bit of contact needed. I was not looking forward to asking him for his share but today he surprised me by letting me know that he was bringing in a check tommorrow. I appreciated his taking the initiative to think in advance, check on his own and then let me know what he will be doing.
I can tell that I am not ready to talk to him - my mind just goes back to the old arguments and hurts. I have been praying and having meditations to let go and heal from the wounds of this M and then to see if we can move forward.
Help! I find I keep going back to think about him all the time instead of staying focused on me and what I need to do.
Keep in mind that my D-19 just left to go back to college - I am missing her sooooo much right now - she helped me out a lot through the holidays - keeping me company and running me around, having a lot of girl nights, and made C really special. UGH!
Update - H calls saying he wants to know what my intentions are for the marriage. I tell him that I have not changed my stance of wanting to work on it and he tells me that he is doing ok w/o me and wants to talk about ending it.
I was so stunned and said that he how he has acted through the whole R - always wanting to leave so if that is what he wants then he should do what he needs to do. I was a bit angry when I said it and I hung up - couldn't do this w/o the emotions - I am very upset.
I don't know if he really wants to end it or he is just testing the waters to see how I feel? Should I wait to see what he does. talk to him further or let it go?
I have been feeling "down" a lot this week. What H did was hurtful or does he really not understand why we are apart? I hear from him that he feels blamed, he feels that I have problems, and that we have nothing in common. I guess that is why he married me in the first place? Right?
I remember at the beginning how he felt that I was the first person to put his anxiety down. How my spirituality seemed genuine in the way I lived my life and viewed others. How we came from similar histories, overcame the past, and I understood his choices. We both enjoy spending lots of time together just talking and cuddling.
For me, I felt appreciated, loved and wanted. We had good conversation at times - like me he had varied interests in music,reading, and activities.
But somehow we are at this point now just a few short years later. Alone, apart, and can't talk anymore. I know his problem that I didn't know about in the beginning is the cause but he is working on it. Somehow he can't do that work on us.
I am working on myself and letting go of the situation b/c I don't have any control over what he does - only what I do. This is hard to do. I was alone for many years and it was nice to think that was behind me, now I am living this way again and I really don't like it.
Does anybody care out there? I have been talking for 10 days at the advice of my therapist learning to ask for help and no one is responding! Guess I should throw in the towel.
I have a thought that a good friend mentioned to me the other day. Don't take what he is doing personally! I know, it feels personal, but in the end, it really isn't.
OK, so, what do you really want? If you ask yourself, what are your intentions? Maybe it's time to go back to square one, and recenter yourself, make some simple goals, rather than get caught up in the big picture?
I know it isn't personal and thanks for saying so - but I am in pain and it won't go away. I have tried to do the right thing all my life and I just don't understand why nothing works out for me like it does for others.
I am alone, I have no sanctuary, no one to catch me if I fall (and I fall a lot) I just hurt.
