Question

[awest1217]

Lucky- I agree with you and I am planning on going as long as I am feeling ok, which i am right now. Things are usually not awkward, although i always hope that one day I will get my chance to tell my side of the story, but I know I won't so I just enjoy being around extra family and support. S loves his grandparents and uncles so it is good for him to see them as well.

So...why am I up at 2:30 in the morning...another dream. I am mostly just writing this down because last time the dream came somewhat true so I am just putting it down in case it does or if nothing else, it will remind me why I need to ignore H even if he ever contacts me again until he PROVES he has changed.

In my dream, H and I were moving into my brother's house (my brother said I could move in there if I lose the house). It was weird that it was H and I, but ok. My brother and sister-in-law were there helping to move stuff and do a little yard work. Then as I am walking through the house I see OW's jacket. I think to myself NO WAY! NO WAY he would bring her here when we are trying to start over. So I look in the bedroom and sometime while I was doing yard work, H had brought over not only h is things, but OW's stuff was still in his drawers. So I took all of her stuff out and put it on the bed to get rid of later.Then one of my brother's old, my new, neighbors comes over to say that it was not safe to live there. I guess in teh dream, my brother and his family had moved out for a while and it was vacant. They don't live in the best neighborhood, but not hte worst either. So in the dream people had been breaking in to live there and according to this neighbor bad people were waiting a lot at the house. I talked to my sister-in-law and she said that the house was fine and the neighbor was a little paranoid, then my brother and sister-in-law leave. I go to talk to H about the situation and there in the kitchen is OW starting to make cookies. In my kitchen! I go to throw her out and when I do, H says they are just friends and if he throws her out then he will throw something of mine out (i am not sure what he was holding, but it wasn't anything important because it didn't bother me). We argued for a minute about the clothes, and then pushed OW out the door and woke up.

I haven't been able to fall asleep since. I don't know what this all means, especially since I am not snooping on H and I haven't talked to him in two weeks. I am sure I am upset because I know H and OW are always together, and it frustrates me, but if nothing else this once again reminds me no coming home without proof he has changed or I will be in this situation again like I have been for 10 years. I need to let him go and live his life. Maybe one day he will realize what he is missing and actually change his life and come home because many women will not fulfill the void he has in his life. They never have and never will. This dream is just adding to the uneasy feeling that something still is going to happen, but who knows...

Hopefully now I can go back to sleep!