Why are you writing letters to her telling her you love her unconditionally? Why are you apologizing for texting other women or going out for coffee with them? Why are you pursuing so much? Yes you're pursuing. Do you really believe you had turned this thing around so quickly with one family trip.
She has turned this all around and made you look & feel like the unfaithful one. She questions your morals and brings up your religion but didn't you start off this entire thread with the following:
Quote:
.....My wife is a stay at home Mom, 40 yo. Two months ago, I found out that she was having an affair. Things just didn’t seem right and I checked her cell phone records (multiple long calls, and texts) then confronted her. She admitted that it was her former high school boyfriend (first love). She just said that she had lunch with him a few times. He made her feel young again and she felt safe with him. After I discovered this, she turned 180 degrees. She became evil. She says that she has never loved me and this marriage was a mistake. She is mean and hateful towards me no matter how nice and kind I am to her. I began to suspect that much more was happening.
She said she broke off the relationship and no longer sees nor talks to him. I am having a hard time trusting her.
Sorry bro but she has turned this all around on you and she has you preaching "unconditional love", do you hear her preaching that? She is controlling you again and you're allowing it. Women don't respect men that they can control, in fact they end up treating them very badly. I told you previously that the WAW fog was very thick and I didn't believe that she had changed that quickly. You were on the right path originally, creating mystery, creating fear of loss, and you need to get back on track instead of saying things like you're here for a new marriage and you're a new "you" and you offer unconditional love and expect nothing in return...
BULL$HIT!
You expect respect.
If she can't respect you, you aren't going to get love or anything worthwhile from her in this relationship with you. Are you both sleeping in the same bed yet? If not why would you be offering all these things to her.
Tri, your wife had the affair. She is the one who should be offering all the things you are offering to her. She is the one who should be offering to rebuild trust.
But in standard WAW fashion, she turned things around, controlled you by making you feel guilty for attempting to move on and now look, questionable items & occurrences with her recent trip - how do you think your relationship with her would ever survive if you can't trust her and you know you can't, you wouldn't have posted the oddities of her trip here if you trusted her.
I hope she isn't having an affair with this trip she made to Phoenix but I wouldn't rule it out. She made sure the trip was going to happen regardless of the fact that you were on call this weekend and she had to find other people to watch the kids, she had to make sure the trip occurred as planned, she also didn't text or call when she arrived that evening to let you know about the flight, she checked in late to her hotel room (which I would think is odd, maybe its just me but the first thing I do when arrive at a new location/airport is either grab a cab or rental and drive to the hotel and check in and then maybe go out for dinner or whatever else is planned for the day, otherwise you're lugging around your luggage until that point), and by your own admission, she got mad at you because you told her the "divorce was off".
Too many things not adding up and these are just things you've provided details on.
Seriously you were on the right track and then you veered off and did what you thought was comfortable for you, we told you that db'ing was counter-intuitive, everything you should be doing wouldn't feel right but you shouldn't just be doing things because they "feel right", you can't let your emotions guide you here, you need the right frame of mind in dealing with a spouse who isn't in the right frame of mind.
This weekend and her trip to Phoenix is done, if she went there to pursue some sort of affair activity with another man, you can't do anything about that: she's there and you're here. Did you reach her at the hotel or on her cell phone, have you called the hotel again to verify that she checked in? Is she even where she claims to be?
Go back to your previous efforts of db'ing, the stuff that got her worried, the stuff that changed the momentum in this situation.
Letting writing, preaching unconditional love, acts of kindness, pursuing, etc. You can do all of those things when you are actually reconciled and you aren't there yet, no where close.
You don't have to prove to her that she can trust you, get this notion out of your mind, you haven't had an affair, she did. You need to stop with the pursuing, the gift giving, the "unconditional love" and you need to stop allowing her to control you and stop being "nice" to her, allow her to be that way to you, ideally you want her pursuing you, you won't ever get a WAW back by pursuing her, she'll just keep you at distance.
I want you back on track again starting today, that's my advice.
