Thought I was done

[MarkG]

I've had similar situations happen. This time around she had a 1-nighter back in June last year, then due to her sexuality we had another woman over in July (which was not a good idea considering our position). My W said she wanted to watch, and through my stupidity I agreed. She got jealous in the middle & walked out. I think her reasoning was part guilt, but it was an excuse to start an EA. That guy lasted a week or 2 before she found out she was nothing more than a POA. Her next EA turned out to be more "rock solid" in her head and she left. They went through some rough spots and she broke up with him, making her lonely. I was upset about being her "backup plan" as I called it and actually refused to be her crying shoulder after she left OM. She went downhill quick and I didn't catch her. She went back to the same OM, stating that she wasn't as hurt over leaving me as she was over leaving him. I told her my thoughts on this, that she replaced me with him and him with nothing, so maybe that's the grief over me finally coming out. Sounds egotistical, probably is, but still probably closer to the truth. Of course she hates it when I'm right and I don't get an answer. At the time DBing didn't fit entirely in my boundaries, and I doubt if they entirely do now. I do consider myself her friend, which is what she was asking, and my reason to her for not being her crying shoulder is that my needs in the situation in relation to our R was more than she was willing to commit to. She went back to him, lied about it, and I found OW. The night WAW found out about OW is the night they started dating again in front of me, and she still denies she was back with OM before she found out. We were instantly friendlier until I opened up about flaws with OW and said I was going to leave OW already because of OW's problems, not because of W's desire for me to. That meant that I wasn't slipping away as she feared, and I was still an option down the road. Communication stopped again because I told her I hadn't "dropped the rope" as they say. My goal right now is to still leave OW, get another OW, and not cave instantly when W wants to know how the new R is. I say whatever WAS is doing in terms of R's, follow suit. Above all tell her OM is outside your boundaries if she wants to stay and you won't have it anymore.