This thread has been helpful, and gives me hope, for the most part.
I have only just started DB'n, so I have nothing to share about what works to bring me and W together. I can share some things that have helped me stay sane.
-Work. Finding joy in the tasks, having fun with coworkers. -Stopped going out to bars all the time. I felt desperate to meet someone, and putting myself in the bar scene, still feeling sad, only made things worse. Instead, I go home and do something useful. -Reading, playing guitar, keeping a journal. Anything that makes alone time feel good. -Personal goals. Feeling good about getting back into school this fall, and finally getting a degree. -Reading DR, which gave me a new perspective and hope. -A long period of staring my hurt in the eyes, and letting myself FEEL it, while concentrating on how to do that in appropriate places, at appropriate times. -Flirting (not w/ W). Not too much... -Focusing on what I have to do, not what I want to happen. Whatever the outcome, I will be a better man.
I've been talking about this stuff w/ C for months, but it all seemed to click when I read DR. Writing down all the baby-step goals, and thinking about the individual tweaks in my behavior that might lead to those small improvements made my sitch feel less overwhelming.
As far as actions go, right now I'm continuing LRT with a couple 180's thrown in. I have to do some 180's because I had been executing my LR very poorly before reading DR.
We have to interact because of our S, and now I'm very proactive about setting up times and places for exchanging him. Lately I've been calling instead of texting, because I want her to hear the NRG and good feelings in my voice. I'm being as upbeat as possible, while being careful not to give any sign of attachment to her. At this time, all comm. is about our son - all business.
My only goal right now is to get her acting friendly again. I would feel encouraged if she ever asked me about my day, or initiated any small talk.
