What can I do to save my marriage? Help

[Sleepy]

I thought I would provide all of you with an update from the 12th to today.

Apparently my W had done some research on the women that I was texting and told me all that was wrong with them....$luts. “I don’t want my children around them”.she said, “Oh really, I better stay away from them?” I said.

Later, I said “you really don’t want a divorce do you.” I told her that I wasn’t pursuing it either and that threw her a bit... “You mean everything we spoke about in Cancun is off” I said “yep”. She seemed kind of pissed then went to her room for the night. Her behavior which had been nice to me suddenly changed. “I wish you would make up your mind. I can’t figure you out. You are nice to me sometimes then your not.”

I felt compelled at that time to write her a letter and tell her what really I felt. I told her that the old marriage was dead. I told her that the old Tridoc was dead. I was now committed to change for a lifetime. I trust her. My goals are.

1.To let my guidance will come from God.

2.To be the best father that I can be.

3.To provide her with unconditional love. ( I know it has taken a long time to get to the point where you are now, and I am willing to do this for the rest of my life) I expect nothing in return.

4.To be a man and not a fourth child and be someone who she can trust to protect her.

If she wanted to pursue a divorce, I would respect her choice, but I was not going to contribute to it.

I said a few other things and I told her that I was sorry for texting those women and that it was wrong and I would never do it again. She kept the letter in her drawer. Wouldn’t she throw it out if she didn’t care?

The next day I forgot my pager at work. I texted her and asked if she could bring it to her clinic. In between cases I ran over there and got it and left her a diet coke on her desk with the post it note on it which said “Thanks”. She loves diet coke. Personally, I think the stuff is poison.

She has been warming up to my behavior. Little things like the above. I’m not going overboard like I did before but I’m just working nice things whenever I can without being too pushy or pursuing. I am starting to hear her sweet voice come back. Our phone conversations aren’t very long but those and her texts seem nicer.

Yesterday, she went to Phoenix for her marathon trip. I put a card in her case with a good luck wish from me and all the kids. I texted her to call or text me when she got in. No response. I called the hotel to see if she checked in and she didn’t check in until 11:00pm. I was connected to the room and didn’t get an answer, her plane got in at 7:45pm. I found a printed boarding pass for that plane in the trash in her room. Confusing??? I never heard from her until 6 the next morning. Text ...“ I made it in last night. The hotel is cool. Everything’s good. Thanks for checking”.

I called her and had a short conversation after the text. She said her phone was still in airplane mode last night. I don’t believe her. Every time a plane lands she always switches it on. I since have texted her a picture of the kids “We miss you” at lunch without a response.

I have been concerned about her having a tryst in Phoenix ever since she made those plans back in Oct. and she knows it. She wouldn’t change the plans despite me being on call all weekend and she had to find a number of people to watch and take care of our kids. I thought this was irresponsible and a bit selfish, but that’s just me.

I think she wants to get a rise out of me. I’m not going to bite at this one. I am going to play counter-intuitive and not even check on her anymore. I’m going to ask her if she had a good time and make nothing of it when she gets home. She will have to call me if she wants to talk. There are no further trips planed and I feel that this is the ultimate test of trust.

She seemed so upset about me meeting up for coffee with some women, and exclaimed “ not until you are divorced” I can’t possibly understand how she would be doing anything herself. She seems to feel so strongly about it and has been brought up with Christian boundaries.

Well, that’s the update. I will continue to just be cool and be there for her with unconditional love. If I can’t trust her, there is no hope for the marriage. I can’t control her, she is a grown woman. If she wants a divorce the ball is in her court....... I just can’t see how she can walk away from what she has right now. If she does.... well, she’s an idiot.

I was thinking, are some women more prone to a MLC?
A few things about her.....

After the birth of our twins, she got a belly button ring. I thought that was strange.

After the birth of my son, when things started to go sour (i was working a lot and she was at home slaving with the kids) and she started to become unhappy ( according to her) she got breast implants.

Now a MLC...... It seems to make sense??? Next phase.