Yes, this will be my h's 2nd d...if it goes through. He's selfish too...all about him and what he wants. My h wonders why his kids don't want to be with him...well it's because he ignored them for 10 years, duh!
You know my H is still like that with sons, but I'm okay with that now. When he does spend time with them it's usually quality time. Sure I'd like him to be different, like my dad was, home every night and on the weekends, but my H isn't like that at all. H does put his needs first, but that's H, I can't change him.
Yes, some quality time is better than no time at all...that's what my h says. He says at least I see them one day ever 2 weeks and that's better than my dad did for me! He saw his dad last month for the first time in 35 years! Yeah, big difference there!
You are right can't change him but it's so frustrating. I guess I need to change my perspective on what I see as h's time with the kids. What frustrates me really is that my standard is not being met! That's not a nice way for me to treat h. He's doing the best he can. He's not me and I can't expect him to act like me.
Quote: Yes, some quality time is better than no time at all...that's what my h says. He says at least I see them one day ever 2 weeks and that's better than my dad did for me! He saw his dad last month for the first time in 35 years! Yeah, big difference there!
My H's dad never did anything with him, my H played sports all through school and his dad hardly ever came to watch him, my H is an outdoorsman and he learned it all on his own and H's dad also worked out of town during the week. So my H never had a good role model for a father, like I did. So I have to remember that when my expectations don't match what he is doing. They are MY expectations and H should not have to meet my expectations if he can't or if he doesn't want to..he is a great father though!
Quote: What frustrates me really is that my standard is not being met!
Why should H have to meet your standards? Do you meet his standards? What are standards? If we let go of standards/expectations than maybe we can look at the person and say "hmmm he's not like me and that's okay" remember my post about "we don't get to call all the shots in our marriage" H is doing the best he CAN, for now, and that's all we can expect of him and ourselves.
Quote: He's not me and I can't expect him to act like me.
Good Cindy, I think you are getting it!
Cathy
P.S. He does go to your son's soccer games, that's a positive in my book.
Here are some scenarios running through my head today:
BEST CASE SCENARIO #1: 1. Continuance Hearing: h doesn't show up demanding divorce, Judge agrees to allow continuance. 2. h agrees to go to c or at least give our marriage 6 more months. 3. we stay married
BEST CASE SCENARIO #2: 1. H comes to continuance wanting d, judge disagrees and allows continuance. 2. H comes to his senses 3. we stay married
WORST CASE SCENARIO #1: 1. H shows up at continuance demanding divorce yet judge allows continuance due to h's eradict mood swings 2. h files countersuit for d 3. i get d
WORST CASE SCENARIO #2 1. H come to continuance demanding d judge says no 2. 2 weeks later h is continually hounding me for d 3. I break under his harrasment and sign off on d
WORSE CASE SCENARIO #3: 1. h demands d at continuance, judge agrees to d 2. i submit dismissal 3. h must refile for d get about 3 more months as he works d through system 4. h spends tons of money on d like I have 5. all property split 50/50 even house 6. boys may or may not have to visit their dad more
Any of these scenarios could come to play the first week of November when we go to the continuance hearing. I'm in a tizzy trying to figure out which one I will do of the worst case scenarios (though best case scenario #2 would be the ONE I'd choose!!!!)! I could choose #3 but am afraid my h will sue for more custody of the boys...more than I'm giving now...though if we have to revert back to state visitation that is BIG since my h would get 30 days in the summer versus the 3 weeks he has now, more time at Christmas too.
me and exW have joint custody with her having primary residence. If I had to do it all over I would fight to the bitter end. Reason is because she has said that I signed the D and no one twisted my arm. I gave her about $150k more by doing this thinking we would have a better chance of reconciling. This is just my opinion.
My h and I have already gotten all the haggling out of the way...he pretty much signed over everything without fighting too much. I did give him the right to claim one of the children as a tax exemption but I got the equity in our home, the house.
I'm going to fight his decision to give me the d...just on the grounds (well also that I don't want to end my M) that he says he's giving me what i want!!! The d is NOT what I want...but he digs it in by saying the d was filed by me. I think he's just copping out by saying he's giving me what I want so as to feel better (?). he says he still has feeling for me but is sorry my feelings are hurt, but this is what I pushed for and this d is what I'm going to get. He also said that if I had waited 3 months after moving out and not filing that he would have come home. I counter with well if that is the case why did you have condoms in your gym bag and offer no explanation? By the time he got around to explaining, I'd filed for divorce. If he didn't want the d, he shouldn't have signed the papers...I asked him not to but to go to counseling instead. He signed them.
the more I think about it a dismissal would prove that I don't want the d...since he's so fired up to have it then he can go file. That's how I see it now!
