good text convo too. good job. and hey, I'm sure he does love her, but remember, he doesn't know how to love.
oh, and IMHO, because people always cave into him, if you can keep your boundaries, healthy boundaries and always be calm, eventually he is going to respect you the most, and I believe as time goes, you will have less and less of his anger.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
Working on those boundaries. They are a work in progress.Doing decent I guess. Not much communication.
He came by yesterday for an hour visit. We were trying to figure out the schedule for this morning. He has visit time, but my son also has an early wrestling match. His visit time comes first, but I asked him to let me know if/when he was going to show up so I can plan accordingly. He said he didn't know because he might have to drive his d13 somewhere and he would let me know lsat night. Well, he did call and said to just go about my plans as he doesn't know what d13's plans are. I made sure he knew his visit time was first and asked if he was sure. He said yes. Now this scares me a bit. Only because I don't want it to come and bite me later with him saying I cancelled. That is what he tells everyone that I cancel, but I don't care what others think...just the courts. I wrote down our conversation in my Visit Journal.
He was very friendly and nice. Wanting to chat about more than just baby...nothing about us but kids, the weather, etc. I really tried to not say much. Its hard to be rude
What I also find sad is how much baby is put off for his other kids. I makes notes of that in my journal as well. I get that he has other kids too, but baby is constantly put off for them. Not like he is actually spending time with them anyway...he just has to drive them places and drop them off but it gets in the way.
I will be gone most of today. Keeping busy!
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
I definitely don't think you should be rude. that wouldn't be good. you just need to be respectfully friendly with a certain distance and use your healthy boundaries.
I don't find it odd that he is putting his other kids first. right now baby can't really ask for him to drive her places, or whatever, and I'm sure his exw guilts him into doing those things and we've already talked about how she has a ton of control over him. plus, many guys just don't know how to be involved with infants and toddlers. they just don't always relate, although I've seen other men be great dads to the infants, but it's not the norm. it's the stereotype that the mom takes care of the babies and dad doesn't get much involved. I see that a lot. It is sad though, but it might be good for you right now, at least there is still a little consistency, that he doesn't disappear for 6 months and then come back, I've seen that too.
your doing good, continue with the journal and keep it safe.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
I just had to share this...Exh has made me out to be psycho obsessed or she is the loony one. Either way I am so not talking to him about anything but baby! What a bunch of freaks. Exh has created all of this drama...how is it all my fault? From MGF to Exh:
"Ok I don't even know where to start... I get such mixed emotions from you. One day I feel like I am the love of your life, and one day I feel like you could care less about me. I don't even know what to feel anymore...My feelings for you have been constant Exh. I have loved you through everything. I have had to handle a lot of loss with you and a lot of drama from SO2. And always I had stood my ground because I have loved you. I have loved you completely with a pure heart, not the psycho and controlling way like SO2. You say I will always be in your heart and at first I smile and feel comfort, but then I realize that its not enough. I don't just want to be a memory or somebody you think about from time to time. I want to be with you and feel loved every single day. I'll never understand why it can't be that way and I struggle every single day just to get through it. Last weekend you made me feel such emotions and I really felt that you loved me and appreciated me. I was on cloud nine and I felt that we would make it because you finally felt what I feel. I really had myself convinced that it was all going to be ok. But one text from the crazy ex and I get thrown out like trash again...You have no idea how painful that feels to me and just how insignificant I feel. I feel like I have been really good to you and I feel like I have stood by you when nobody else would have or ever has. Again My love is real. I know SO2 is always there for you too but we are two different people. She is the obsessed type that can't get anything else so she will never let go of you. I love with you with a pure heart. You seem to think I have moved on and its just not true. I can't even think about moving on Exh because you are still in my heart. I am so confused and I don't want to move on cause what I want is you. I would have to give up completely on you to be able to open my heart enough to move on. I don't know when that will happen but as of right now, I just can't yet.What hurts me the most is that I have no idea what to feel and how to deal with any of it. I have been feeling so let down and it has been just killing me inside. I try to put on a smile and act like I am ok, but on the inside I am just dying and I am so sad and I can't eat and can't sleep. I am [censored] depressed and there isn't a damn thing I can do to change any of it! SO2 wins every single time and that is just the worst part of it all. I didn't want to be another one of her victims and I firmly believed that I was different and you would stand up for me and fight for us! But here I am....I don't have you anymore and I can't stand being away from you. My days and night are extremely long and I don't enjoy much of anything anymore because everything reminds me of you...I hate this facebook because it reminds me of you, I don't like music cause it all reminds me of you, I can't watch tv cause certain shows we watched remind me of you, I'm not looking forward to the rain for the next five days because I will think of you....the list goes on and on. You were my life and I can't stand the way things are. I miss you so much.There is no way that I can get you to feel the power in my words by a message and I just hope that you know that I feel very deeply for you and I wish you could see that. You always worried I would leave you...I never did and never would have. You left me and I am still trying to figure out how to pick myself up off the ground...as for now I am still laying face down on the ground until I find the strength to stand back up or find a reason to."
This right there..has given me so much strength into not buying his garbage anymore!
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
Yes, these people are all crazy. But you've known that. Your ACTION of reading his emails shows that you are not as over your addiction as you would like to believe you are.
Cold turkey, hon. You need to get yourself healthy for that baby of yours.
Any more AlAnon meetings?
50 miles away sounds really tempting right about now.
Yes..I thought about it later. Im just so used to it trying to find proof that he is still using.
It really did help me stand and NOT respond to one of his texts.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
Crazy MGF (who is still marrried?) confuses the drama & intensity of an R with your crazy X h, with passion and love. It's neither. It's a sick obsession and she sounds sick writing what she wrote. It also makes no sense in parts. Why on earth would you read this?
Don't get sucked in and worse, don't dive in, which is what you reading HIS emails is doing. It's self inflicted craziness you are inviting into your home..enough already. Who the hell cares what THEY think of you or say they think of you or want to think of you or what they eat or wear or wish for?Who cares????
You being happy and serene without him -- THAT is all that matters. His level of misery isn't a factor in your life or who "wins" this. It's not a contest. He's bad news in so many ways. I don't believe his texts matter much. What matters is you moving on....now. OMG...such an odd world you are living in. You don't have to, you know. J-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
I am tired today! Been a long few days. Trying to be at a wrestling tournament all day is tough with a toddler! We are just going to hang out today.
Done pretty well in ignoring texts. He asked "whats the problem?" and I didn't respond.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
