I haven't read your whole thread but your discovery of the PA hit me hard as I was in that boat a few short months ago.
When it was confirmed for me, I waited until I was calm and then approached my H. I calmly said, "I know about the PA. I want you to know that I love you and I will continue to choose this M IF you end this R, have NC and total transparency. If you are willing to do that, I will walk with you through forgiveness and healing and helping you sort out whatever happened that got you here. If you are not willing to do that, I will not be your friend. I will have some difficult decisions to make, including filing for D." I then left. A few hours later he came and asked to talk. I took us three weeks to talk things thru and for him to end R with OW. We are now piecing.
If you confront... make sure you are calm, sure of what you need, sure of your boundaries. Take care of yourself!
Greek & RW, thanks. In Australia there is just a 1 year separation required for D. We've been nearly six months and she has previously indicated that's what she wants to do.
W really got lucky last nite. D17 decided she was going to stay the night at the party. She texted W and told her that, then me as well.
So W gets to spend the night with OM, then go get D17 round 9am, what a great Mum she is to the kids eh!!! I know she stayed because I've just been down the shop and have to pass BIL's where she is 'living' - no car, will still be outside OM's house.
I'm not sure what boundaries I can set here, we have been physically separated since she left and she seems to want no contact with me at all. Only thing I can see is maybe telling her I won't have all her stuff in the house, but that will probably drive her further away.
I think I will have to confront her soon about it though. As everyone here says Cheaters always Lie. She is lying to the kids & to me and that's something I won't stand for.
H: 44 W: 42 Married: 23 years Bomb: 16/07/2009 PA Confirmed: 16/01/2010 Over it & working on ME: Feb'ish 2010
I'm not sure what boundaries I can set here, we have been physically separated since she left and she seems to want no contact with me at all. Only thing I can see is maybe telling her I won't have all her stuff in the house, but that will probably drive her further away.
Further away than what? Spending the night with another man? You know what to do. Tell her this: "I know that you spent the night with OM last night. You have 4 days to get the remainder of your things out of my house. Whatever is left behind after day 4 will be packed away to a charity." And that's it. No arguing allowed, Blownaway. You have nothing to discuss with her other than the terms of you getting her things out of your way. That is the boundary you set.
Greek
Me45 H46 T25 M22 S21 & 19 D13 Separated and filed 8/08 Moved home 11/08
When it was confirmed for me, I waited until I was calm and then approached my H. I calmly said, "I know about the PA. I want you to know that I love you and I will continue to choose this M IF you end this R, have NC and total transparency. If you are willing to do that, I will walk with you through forgiveness and healing and helping you sort out whatever happened that got you here. If you are not willing to do that, I will not be your friend. I will have some difficult decisions to make, including filing for D." I then left
I like that! Says all that needs to be said, and keeps it simply!
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
In Australia there is just a 1 year separation required for D. We've been nearly six months and she has previously indicated that's what she wants to do.
Has she taken legal action or did she just move out? Greek
Me45 H46 T25 M22 S21 & 19 D13 Separated and filed 8/08 Moved home 11/08
