Well today's the big day, H moves out. He's home for the day spending it with DD and I guess he will leave when I get home from work. I just hope he has enough sense to pack up when she's sleeping.
This morning I woke up to coffee made for me. If you remember, this is a big deal. Instead of thinking "Oh that must mean something" I though "UGH what an A*&^%$#^@. I bet he's thinking 'Here's your last coffee you'll ever have'". I guess I am going to be ok, my thinking is changing!
Things WILL be okay because YOU are changing your thinking! See how powerful you are? Think of the peace you will feel tomorrow when you wake up in your own home and not have to worry about anything but you and your daughter. No bad moods, no BS, no having to look at his face.... reclaim your space!
Thank you all. It was very uneventful. He said goodbye to DD and she said "Bye". It was just as if he was leaving all the other times. I was worried it would be sad for her, but she wasn't bothered by it. We went out to dinner with my parents and had a sleepover there. The odd thing is, when he left, he took nothing, and actually had put up 2 pictures on the wall of his family that he originally took down. He has his clothes, but he's had them. NOTHING else is gone. He also cleaned the back yard, the laundry room, and the kitchen. Just not sure why he moved out but left all his things... The next day, I cleaned up in the yard and we had a party! My closest friends, their children, and family came to help us keep our heads up! I had a blast and I'm paying for it today, but luckily grandma lives so close and took DD to the grocery store so I could recoup a bit! I do have to admit, it is nice to walk out of the house and come home knowing it's going to look exactly the way I left it, and the way I want it! This has always been a VERY sore topic with us. I've already begun making a master list of things I want to do in the house. I can't wait to begin checking them off!!
Went to a lawyer. It was very helpful, but also made it very real, which I didn't like all that much. He seemed to be a good lawyer, calm, knew what he was talking about, said he'd fight for whatever we need to. All in all a good experience.
One thing he said though, and I'd love any thoughts about it, is that if H is having an affair that I know about and he is not willing to end it, the chances are that he will not end it. Can anyone speak from experience that has gotten to this point, affair was still happening, yet in the end you were able to get back together? Just need a little hope...
Wow-been a while since I've posted... just wanted to update and get some strength and thoughts my way. I have done a complete 180 myself. I have realized everything everyone was saying and finally accepted it. I have stopped pursuing, but better yet, I've stopped caring. I've continued to go to therapy which has been a lifesaver. She helps me learn how to be peaceful and calm through talking and energy exercises.
I have started every email to h with "I"m going to remain peaceful for the sake of dd". And pretty much every one back says "You are not trying to be peaceful just stop." !!!
He also now wants a copy of my work schedule each week so he knows when to call DD. I refused and told him he doesn't need to know when I'm at work. He can continue to call dd as he does now.
He's grasping at anything he can to try and regain control and he's losing miserably. He tried to engage me in an argument in front of our dd over a pick up time. I simply said goodbye to dd, as I was leaving so he could have parenting time, and walked out the door, without response to him. I might have shut the door a little harder than normal, but it's a step in the right direction!
I made it through my first overnight away from dd. She and he stayed in the house and I left. I went to dinner with friends, got home late, and went to bed. Before I knew it, it was time to go home.
I really feel different. I feel calm, peaceful, and more sure than ever that I will be ok. I'm also actually starting to question whether or not I would take him back even if he wanted it. That is a huge step.
I've also started talking with a family friend who I've known growing up. Absolutely nothing is going on other than reconnecting and becoming friends, but it's nice to have a distraction. Keeps me focused.
Anyway, just wanted to say I think I'm on the right track and although sometimes it takes a while for us newcomers to "get it" doesn't mean we don't listen to what you're all saying, it just means it takes a while to get it, which I think I finally have.
This has always been a VERY sore topic with us.