Moving back in

[DDogs]

COACH / GREEK? (any others with recommendations?)I would be very interested to hear how you dealt with telling your kids about the D. I need to get the kids info, they need to be made aware of the situation that they are watching....

My concern is that the W needs to take ownership if the sitch.. I do not want to be made a co-conspirator or thrown under the bus... I want my kids to know that I am willing to make things right again..

Hey there DDog ~~~
Just catching up with you.

Here's what happened with us when we told our children (then 19, 16 and 10). We took them out to dinner. The only pre-game plan we had was that I would introduce the topic. I think Coach put it something like "You have to tell them b/c you are the one who is moving out and I will not accept any responsibility for this plan." Fair enough. So I told the kids that I was moving out, the two youngest would be coming with me but would spend time at Dad's house, too. The oldest was going to be away at school so no physical impact there. As I unfolded this to them, Coach said not a word. He sat at the end of the table and although I now know how rattled inside he was, he looked steady. He added nothing to what I told them. I knew that all of my statements had to be mine alone - no "we this" or "we that" - b/c he made it clear he would not allow that. When I finished, he simply asked the children, "Do you have any questions for me?" The boys didn't. Our daughter wanted to know where her stuff would be and I dealt with that.

Pay close attention to this: at the time, I thought he was a total a$$ for throwing me under the bus. I remember telling my IC - "Geez! Typical - he just sat there, let me carry the whole load, didn't contribute a thing!" Now I look back and I SEE that yes, indeed, he did let me carry the whole load b/c it was MINE. He didn't want a D. He wanted to work on our M. So why should he carry any of the weight to take it apart - esp. in front of our children. I have deep respect for the way he handled that evening. And my children have a clear clear clear memory of who wanted the D, and who didn't. And he never had to say a word.

Greek

GREEK
Thanks so much of your take,, the red highlites are the parts that resonate so accurately with how I feel and my position.. I've been told by others that this might not be the way because both w and I have participated in this.. the difference, IMHO, is that W wants to quit/D and I am actively working on reconciling my M... I do acknowledge the possibility of reconciling slowly fading as this progresses, her words and actions give no indication of change, Patience is important but from the inside looking out, its my pragmatic side says "dude, she's done" I will accept the results...

Will I like it, is it the outcome I wished, No,, but I will be satisfied that I did everything I thought of that I could to work for my M.... Yes..

my standard response lately, I'm meeting a friend out for lunch and to visit...


"May you live in interesting times.", Chinese curse, unk.