Try to pull yourself together and let him go...for now.
Please go out and by Michelle's books, that's if you can afford them, a highlighter and some post it flags. Sit down with that book and read it and then read it again. Highlight the sections that you think apply to you, mark the pages you think you will need to come back to and really think about it.
I know exactly how you are feeling. Let me share another ah ha moment for me.
Several months back I found some old love letters my H had written to me in High School. I kept thinking "why doesn't he love me now like he did then?"
Then it HIT me, I'm not the same person I was then. At the time I was feeling just as you are. And guess what THAT IS NOT ATTACTIVE!!
Having the answer to your "HOW" question will not solve you problems. He doesn't know "WHY". Accept for the moment that it just is.
Now think back to when you two were falling in love. What is it that your H loved so much? Are you REALLY showing him that?
Yes, Cindy, I know it is SOOOO hard. But really if the end result is positive it will be worth it.
Another thing to keep in mind is to beleive none of what you hear and half of what you see when dealing with MLC. As you can attest the mood changes faster than the weather.
You need to focus on the end result and the BABY STEPS it will take to get there. Even if your H said, OK no D. Don't you think you would still have A LONG way to go to get a new R? It won't happen over night and this is just one day. Just gotta get through it. OK?
Quote: Now think back to when you two were falling in love. What is it that your H loved so much? Are you REALLY showing him that?
All he said we had was money and sex. I don't know what to show him. He doesn't want to see me! I see him tonight but I'm way into being a basket case right now. I may not be there in the state I'm in right now. Don't know what good it will to be the person he fell in love with...he won't be around to see it.
Quote: Another thing to keep in mind is to beleive none of what you hear and half of what you see when dealing with MLC. As you can attest the mood changes faster than the weather.
This time is different...he's absolutely adamant! No wavering no second guessing, he's going for the D with all he's got! No MLC here. He's done he says. He admits that he has feelings for me but hey he's got to go to the Monday night football party so he can't go in to more detail. He wants the d signed and done before the hearing November 17th. What can I say to this? But ok I guess.
Quote: You need to focus on the end result and the BABY STEPS it will take to get there. Even if your H said, OK no D. Don't you think you would still have A LONG way to go to get a new R? It won't happen over night and this is just one day. Just gotta get through it. OK?
I guess my problem here is that I do not see this as a step to a new R with my h. I see it as the end. He used to say when we were married, not separated, that if he did it all again he would not marry me, that he wouldn't marry me again if we were d, that he could live without me. I don't see how when he wants the d so badly that he plans on building an r with me afterwards. I just don't see it.
I'm sorry I'm not very positive right now. I just want bawl!
You would have been so proud of me at how I handled the soccer practice with my h there. Totally ignored him. I got into the practice, helping the players, kicked the ball around like i hadn't a care in the world. Acted if he wasn't there. He didn't acknowledge me.
At the close of the practice he waited for my son and I to walk to the van but I changed it up this time and let my son walk his dad to the car to say bye. I stayed there playing ball. But what was surprising is my h came back...like he was still waiting for us to leave so he could walk us to the van. I didn't give him a chance and played ball till he got bored and left.
Oh it hurt so much to do it but I did and I'm proud of myself for maintaining my composure and distance.
Today when I met with attorney she asked me what did I want to do...putting aside all legal aspects of the divorce. I said not get divorced. So she said we can go and try to get the continuance...lay it out to the judge our reasons why: h not taking meds consistently, eradict mood, 3 weeks ago said wanted to stay married, attended some counseling. She thinks the judge may give it to me even if h says he doesn't want it just because I have been footing the bill for this d, going to counseling, working on m, divorce decree is done, h hasn't paid for anything, the final hearing was not at my request, etc. I may have a chance but to what end? I don't know how my h is going to take the notice of the continuance...he could become extremely angry and file a countersuit. Well the attorney said if he does that then I can go ahead and go the final and get the d. The continuance if approved will allow me time if I want it and I can get a d anytime after that.
Everyone thinks I'm bananas for chasing after a marriage that was so bad! I mean we've had our good moments but since h moved out he's been one messed up dude to say the least.
Well I'll keep ya posted. H will get the notice of the continuance in the mail probably Saturday!!!! I'm going to duck and run for cover by going out of town this weekend!!!!
Quote: At the close of the practice he waited for my son and I to walk to the van but I changed it up this time and let my son walk his dad to the car to say bye. I stayed there playing ball. But what was surprising is my h came back...like he was still waiting for us to leave so he could walk us to the van. I didn't give him a chance and played ball till he got bored and left.
Good idea in mixing it up. He's probably wondering what's up. But, don't call him...let him call you.
Yes, things look a little brighter today. I think I'm going to make it. Everyone says I shouldn't keep trying that I should let him go but I want to fight it! I want to put in the continuance just so I can say 'see I didn't want the d!!!'
I'll be out close to Dallas this weekend camping. What state in the midwest are you in?
I appreciate your help in this situation and your words of wisdom. You are right each day gets a little better and I get a little stronger.
Quote: I want to put in the continuance just so I can say 'see I didn't want the d!!!'
I think this is good, don't let him have the satisfaction of saying "you wanted the D." My H is divorced twice. His first marriage was with wife of S19, she did want the D, not him. So he blamed her for all the things that he thinks are wrong with S19--he's the best kid you could ever want, but my H doesn't think that or see that. Even though he says he can't figure out why they both D'd him I can see it plain as day...he was selfish, only thought of himself and was never there for them.
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I'm going to duck and run for cover by going out of town this weekend!!!!