forward: I think I am ready to be D'ed - I can't really see how being D'ed will make any difference in my life now, since I've been S for 3.5 years already. Do you really think I need to tell him or just proceed as we've spoken about? The topic has been coming up more frequently - most recently, just after Christmas. H is still messed up and is inconsistent. Trying to be friends with me while wanting D, hiring ex-ow to help her financially even though he can no longer stand her, and starting a new R with a girl in another country. H is displaying a lot of anger at work, so it's really starting to resurface, although not towards me.
snodderly: In our last email exchange, H said that he will be the one to file. I have prepared the terms that we need to discuss and am editing and contemplating seriously before I send it to him. Even though I am only thinking about a new R with someone else at this point, I'd feel better if the D were in place first.
peace: In a way, I feel like H is juggling 3 of us. I found out that ex-ow begged H to go back to her, which he refused, saying that his life is much better now without her in it. That was nice, but I just want to remove myself from the drama. I don't need it in my life and it sounds like he has plenty of it without me. H has been nice, but is distant again. No meals together lately and not much conversation. I think H and I are equally distancing ourselves from each other at this point, with both of us interested in other people. That is really not right for 2 people who are supposed to be married. I don't know what will happen with new guy - he may be looking at our meeting as strictly professional and have zero interest. But I feel like even so, I need to start getting myself out there more and living as a single woman. I'm so happy to hear that your R is going well. It isn't always so easy! You have been given another chance. Enjoy every moment.
